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[laserhawk]

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text - un: akechi early feb @ 2AM

[enteloki]

There's a scenario I would like to run by you. Are you interested?

It's only a small thought exercise.

[laserhawk]

[ why doesn't anyone sleep. ]

Sure. Go for it.

[enteloki]

Thank you.

The situation is as follows - there's a bug trapped in a sink. There was no way for the creature to get out. It fell in and remained there until someone took notice.

A man did and watched as the bug got sprayed with water again and again. The creature didn't seem to like it much.

So the man, doing the bug a favor, took it out of the sink and left it on the counter. It could go wherever it wanted.

But it didn't move.

The man tried to nudge it and it refused to leave, so he left in the hopes the creature would wander off.

When he returned the next day, the bug was dead. The corpse stayed there until someone else finally noticed and cleaned it up weeks later.

Should the man have taken the bug out of sink or should he have left it to slowly drown?

[laserhawk]

Jesus fucking Christ Akechi.

Why can't you read porn like a normal person.

[enteloki]

That isn't something I'm interested in.

Please focus on the thought experiment.

[laserhawk]

Fine.

I guess I'd take it out. Dunno why the guy just left it there? Weird choice.

[enteloki]

It's likely he thought the bug would wander off to its home or build a new one in a safe area.

That's my assumption, in any case.

[laserhawk]

[ hm. ]

Is this something you do often? Thought exercises?

[enteloki]

All the time. I enjoy them and the process of trying to work through different perspectives on a situation.

More than that, asking others their viewpoints on such things and seeing how we differ - that's where my true interests lie.

[laserhawk]

Anyone come close to what you're thinking?

[enteloki]

At times.

To be frank, I don't want people around who think how I think. That's useless to me.

Those whose opinions I value most often have opinions that deviate greatly from my own. Too many people are willing to 'agree' with a celebrity or try to predict what I want them to say in the hopes of earning my favor. It's maddening.

I'm sure you understand how that is. To be surrounded by a bunch of a yes men - I can think of nothing worse.

[laserhawk]

Yeah. I hated that shit. All those people grovelling for power. Throwing others under the bus.

[ but — ]

I wonder if it is also easier in a way when no one quite get it. A sense of security. Especially when it comes to your goals.

[enteloki]

It is.

[It's never occurred to him that another person would. His plan has always been large in execution, small in scope. Important to him and him alone because he's the only one that gets why. That will ever get why. Because Akechi Goro is the only person left in the world that remembers his mother.

To anyone else, he wants to be a celebrity. A detective. Go to college, go to work, get married - all qualities important in society, all matters he pretends to give a single shit about when speaking to people. He could lie to Dolph and spew out the same old lines, but the man would pick up on in an instant. ]

It's the one matter left that's my own. It's not a talking point or something I need another viewpoint on. My goal is mine and thus, I don't need anyone else to understand it.

[laserhawk]

[ need feels like the wrong word. want feels more correct. dolph would have flipped his lid if someone tried to empathize over killing alex. or sarah. all those people he wiped out in an instant. he doesn't feel guilty. he doesn't feel regret. even alex — whose presence still looms in his head — he won't give him that inch of his soul.

alex dug that grave. dolph kicked him in it. they both knew that. ]

I figured. No reason to deviate.

But why the thought exercises? What purpose do they serve, really?

[enteloki]

Philosophy fascinates me. Morality, ethics, good, evil, just and unjust and how that intertwines. Thought exercises are a byproduct of that.

It helps you think through situations with no correct answer. There is no 'truth' so to speak - only what one thinks is right, how they perceive the scenario and the different paths taken to get there based on their own life, experiences and perception.

A detective can't operate by relying on black and white logic, after all. This helps me in numerous ways.

So when you say you would save the bug, despite knowing it would die - lost, alone, and forgotten on a countertop versus letting it drown in a world it can't escape -

It's fascinating to me, is all.

[laserhawk]

[ better than porn. apparently. ]

Well, you know me. I'm a huge fan of lost causes. Myself included.

[enteloki]

So I've noticed.

But that makes you, you. There's no shame in it.

[That explains why he's friends with Eren and Maruki. ]

[laserhawk]

I never felt ashamed of who I am. But I didn't have the best sense of it until later.

[enteloki]

As expected, given your circumstances.

Which reminds me -

Some time ago, you made a post asking others who they want to be. You didn't know what your own answer would be at that point or didn't seem assured, in any case.

How do you feel now?

You're not ashamed of yourself, have qualities that are uniquely you - surely you've come to some conclusion on that matter.

[laserhawk]

[ he pauses. he remembers that post. it hadn't given him a clear cut answer back then. not that he expected much from the network. now, though. with all the discussions and changes . . . his answer feels clearer.

in a way, the thing that helped him break away from alex, who shattered the illusion of a false, perfect reality, that made him choose . . . was himself. his own self. ]

I won't say it's the only thing that matters. But I've realized that the one line I won't cross is giving up who I am. Maybe the what or the shape of it doesn't match up to anyone else in the world. Maybe it never will.

That's fine. Even if I'm the only one, I'll hold onto myself.

[enteloki]

What a noble way to live. I'm envious.

I certainly hope you're able to maintain that for the rest of your days.

[laserhawk]

[ in a weird way, dolph does believe that. their paths are divergent now, with dolph at the end of his journey, but also at the beginning of one while akechi still has his goal to reach.

but it makes him wonder. ]

Can I make a request?

[enteloki]

Of course. What is it?

[laserhawk]

When you go and fulfil your goal, when you know it's time.

Can you . . . share a little of your true self with me?

I want to hold onto it.

[enteloki]

[There's a degree of discomfort in the realization Dolph knows more than most when it comes to a person's true self being separate from an image. Fury burns hot in his chest. It tempers to an ember moments later.

They've discussed this. It's nothing outside of the norm. All Akechi has to do is pretend he gives a shit about something and Dolph will be appeased. It's not as if he knows what Akechi's capable of, what he'll do or the life he's living in the shadow of perfection.]

If that's your wish, I'll indulge it.

You may be disappointed in the outcome. I'm an open book - there's little you haven't seen and less hidden that you couldn't glean. I'm only a normal teenager after all.

[There's a pause. Akechi is typing. Backspaces and-]

However, if it's someone's true self you wish to hold onto, I would rather share a different tale with you.

Everyone knows The Detective Prince in my reality. I'm a common household name. My memory will be preserved with that alone for the time fame is afforded to me.

[His mother-

There's a longer, distinct pause. It lasts a minute, then two and-]

If you're willing, I would like to go to the bathhouse with you sometime.