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[laserhawk]

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[petsthedog]

Oh yeah? What's it look like to you, then?

[laserhawk]

Like you finally gave it a shot.

[petsthedog]

[He squirms a little bit in the older man's grasp, though evidently it's just to rub uncomfortably at his neck.]

Tch...it's been a shitshow from the top, man. I didn't plan on any of it.

[laserhawk]

Sometimes, it is.

[ dolph's been in plenty of shitshows. here and back home. ]

Nothing works out perfectly.

[petsthedog]

[He lets out a little sigh.]

I'd settle for working out at all, I think.

[laserhawk]

And maybe it will. What you do may open up an avenue for someone else to finish it.

[ a pause as he amends, even gently. ]

We always want it to work out. . . . I know that feeling well.

[petsthedog]

[If someone else finishes it, he doubts it'll have anything to do with him. He simply failed, ultimately. Oda was simply way too fast, shot him and escaped before he could even summon Castor.

And what happened to Aki ... it'd been because of him, in a way. His friend struggling with -- grief, or guilt, or something, he doesn't know. They haven't exactly gotten to talk about it yet. Shinjiro's never exactly been the sort to wait at someone's bedside for them to come to, as it were.

He keeps all that to himself. You always think everyone has it easier than you. He doesn't have the energy to argue again.]

Yeah. It's exhausting.

[laserhawk]

It is. It's the most exhausting shit in the world.

[ no question about it. no holding back in his answer. and yet. ]

And it's still worth it.

[petsthedog]

[He goes quiet for a very, very long moment.]

....Not sure that's true with everyone.

[Isn't so sure involving himself in things will ever end up more than a fool's errand, a mistake he keeps making over and over. He really doesn't want to fight again, though, so he adds, quickly:]

But I don't think these wishes come with take-backs, so...hell if I know. Nothing to do but try to make it worth it, somehow.

[He doesn't sound like he believes he'll succeed, though.]

[laserhawk]

Wishes?

[ he frowns. ]

Is that what happened?

[petsthedog]

Kind of, I guess. Put myself in the situation 'cause the wish was already made earlier. Tried to make it count. Failed again.

[Absolutely humiliating things to admit while being carried princess-style to a clinic, but dignity's long left the building, so what the fuck does it even matter anymore.]

[laserhawk]

[ hm. ]

What did you wish for?

[petsthedog]

[He hesitates, not quite sure he wants to air out what happened before with Aki, but knowing the wish wouldn't possibly make sense without that context.]

It's complicated.

[A long moment, and then he sighs.]

Friend of mine made a mistake. Had to set it right before it was too late.

[laserhawk]

[ complicated indeed. it's fine though. dolph isn't going to delve right at this moment. it'd be unfair when shinji can't literally leave. ]

All right. We can't deal with it right now. Getting you healed comes first.

[petsthedog]

Yeah.

[He goes quiet again for a while, the only sound the noise of Laserhawk's footfalls as he walks. Eventually:]

...Thanks for coming.

[laserhawk]

I said I'd come.

No strings. No explanation.

[petsthedog]

I know.

[Quietly, but not hesitantly. His eyes remain firmly closed, but he adds:]

It's why I messaged you.

[An ever so faint emphasis on 'you', there and gone. Blink and you'll miss it.]

[laserhawk]

[ ah. dolph slows down a touch because that's large. something of magnitude, even if this isn't the time or place to tackle it. ]

As long as you believe it.

[petsthedog]

I do. You mean what you say.

[Even when they don't agree, or he feels unheard or misunderstood as he does sometimes, he knows that the man is nothing other than honest and upfront with him. He respects that. He always has.]

[laserhawk]

I try.

I don't want to miss chances by vacillating about my words. Or my feelings.

[petsthedog]

[Chances, huh. Shinjiro's...worn out on chances, he thinks. Each new failure wears on his soul like razor wire. He nods from his awkward position in the man's arms, eyes still closed.]

Makes sense. You got a lot of 'em to catch up on, yeah?

[What with Eden's whole...everything. Shinjiro's quiet for the rest of the trip, after that. Even after his feet are taken care of properly at the clinic, he can't quite summon up the energy to go on his way or do much more than free up the bed for others who will need it. He leans up against a windowsill in the lobby, staring out at the chaos in the streets and the tattoo that's marked his wrists.

He's lost track of Laserhawk's presence entirely, some part of him having assumed the man has long since left. If there are footsteps nearby, he doesn't process them.]

[laserhawk]

[ dolph isn't in the habit of dropping people at the clinic and waltzing off. he doesn't do it to strangers and he's hardly going to do it to shinji, especially since shinji made the hard call of asking for help. ]

You awake?

[petsthedog]

[Oh, he's still here. Not for the first or last time, Shinjiro wonders if he's really worth the effort.]

...Yeah. Good as new, or something.

[He doesn't exactly sound happy about it, though.]

[laserhawk]

Yeah, you sound thrilled.

[ c'mon man. ]

cw reference to suicidal feelings

[petsthedog]

Do I ever?

[It's almost a joke, like trying to meet halfway. He's grateful, he really is, it's just ... difficult. Six months out, he still struggles to want the air that's been returned to his lungs. Especially at times like these.]