[This feels like the establishment of something, in a way Shinjiro’s not quite sure what to do with. He feels like he should try harder to convince Laserhawk it’s a bad idea, to somehow push him to leave and properly write him off.
…]
So you're just gonna waste time hanging out with some miserable asshole in a magic hospital, huh?
[The moment hangs for what seems like an eternity, and then something just … gives. It’s not quite a smile, but it’s softer perhaps than the man before him would have ever seen. At peace with this one thing, maybe.]
[Laserhawk's told him more than once before, after all, about how he had nothing and nobody, back in Eden. He shakes his head, though, as to wave the question off. He's not looking to rub salt into the wound, after all.]
Long story short, had shit wished for me. Dunno what the hell he was thinking when he did it, but. It backfired. Spectacularly.
It was already happening. Shovin' an unstable monster in a soul it didn't even belong to was a recipe for disaster.
[The meaning of the tattoo on his wrists might be more obvious, now. Shackles, for the burden he willingly placed back on his own shoulders and chained himself to.]
[He shakes his head. He's not explaining this well.]
Nothing. I'm just -- frustrated. Thought it'd be enough just to undo what he did, take Castor back, but he was messed up so bad he turned right into one of those damn crystal things anyway. An' that ain't even the end of it all...
[After all that, he wasn't even fast enough to summon him the next time someone was in trouble. There's a sharp, agitated exhale.]
Shit always goes to hell when I'm involved. Some things just don't change.
[Yeah, that sounds about right. An acknowledging nod, punctuated with a sigh.]
He always did think if he could just fix me, everything would go back the way it was.
[Hell, it had been a surprise how little Aki has pushed him on all the things they used to fight about -- real visible signs of things having changed after he died. But isn't he the same? That's his wish, too, after all, just more literally.]
[ he is of two minds here. yeah, it's galling that someone thinks you can be fixed through wishes or whatever this place cooks up. he can't blame a newcomer for thinking that, but it's stupid all the same.
and yet. shinji doesn't really talk to people, he blows them off angrily. he doubles down on his pain and guilt. and dolph can empathize as well. maybe even envy. ]
Maybe you just need to find some middle ground. For now.
[What does that even mean, really? What does it look like? He's been ... making more of an effort than he had when he was freshly arrived. He has a house he lives in, more or less takes care of his needs and even engages in his hobby, sometimes using shards earned from talking to people. He has more than he expected, honestly. He's even participated in some of the quest board items, recently.
It's been an exhausting few days, though. He wouldn't have it in him to get defensive even if it's what he felt right now. As wrung out as he is, though, instead ...there's space to just -- listen.]
...Maybe that's for the best. I wouldn't want him gettin' attached to this place, anyway. He's got a life to get back to.
[Long before Aki even arrived, Shinjiro had found himself worried about his friend showing up and throwing his future away for more time with him. He deserves better than to rot indefinitely in some magical torture cage for the sake of a dead man.]
Would you believe that's what the post about the blue potion was for? I told him I'd ask. I wasn't just trying to pick a fight.
[He closes his eyes for a moment, fingers tightening against the edge of the windowsill to keep his hands from shaking. He'd snapped angrily at him, then, tried to push him away for feeling stung. But Laserhawk had come for him anyway, refused to go, and he can't deny something's been built here. Maybe the least he can do is finally try to answer that question, from before.]
...You know that phrase, the road to hell's paved with good intentions? I'm -- tired of walking on it, Laserhawk. [You always think everyone has it easier than you--] And not bein' able to see the path off that others do.
[It was different in Iwatodai. The road had already reached its dead end, and all that was left for him was taking the last step off the cliff. But what does he do now?]
[ dolph knows exhaustion. he's tired too, right down to his bones. it was supposed to be over. he was supposed to have an ending. and he hoped at the very least, he accomplished something, even if he didn't know what.
but. he's met so many people here. lives that have touched him. lives even he has touched. ultimately, dolph has come to his own conclusions. ]
Maybe don't see the road. Just see the people you meet.
[He breathes carefully, knuckles gone white from clenching at the windowsill. His teeth grit for just a moment before he lets it go with his breath. There's a roughness to his voice like it truly is difficult to get out the words.]
And if I wind up running them over? What gives me the right to just keep on going?
[To keep trying, to keep failing? Surely there must...be a limit, right. A tipping point, at which he should stop. It seems so impossible to bear the weight of just being this for the rest of the indefinite future.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It has nothing to do with need.
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I'm shit company.
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Wow, what a surprise.
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…]
So you're just gonna waste time hanging out with some miserable asshole in a magic hospital, huh?
[The moment hangs for what seems like an eternity, and then something just … gives. It’s not quite a smile, but it’s softer perhaps than the man before him would have ever seen. At peace with this one thing, maybe.]
…Alright.
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I've got time. Might as well use it.
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Eventually, he's looking at his wrists again before he draws his gaze back up at the older man.]
You ever have ... someone try to do shit for you that they really shouldn't've?
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No. No one's ever done anything for me.
[ he supposes alex did but who knows how much of that was true? how much was alex truly loving dolph, accepting him, wishing for a future with him?
and how much was just a manipulative lie? ]
Not until I came here.
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[Laserhawk's told him more than once before, after all, about how he had nothing and nobody, back in Eden. He shakes his head, though, as to wave the question off. He's not looking to rub salt into the wound, after all.]
Long story short, had shit wished for me. Dunno what the hell he was thinking when he did it, but. It backfired. Spectacularly.
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He was thinking he could help. And not beyond that. It happens.
And you're not mad that he did that. You just didn't want it wasted on you.
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[Well, maybe a little. In the sense he always used to get mad about his recklessness, back in the SEES days.]
But it was stupid. Locals almost got killed. I couldn't let him end up like me.
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Do you think that'll happen?
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[The meaning of the tattoo on his wrists might be more obvious, now. Shackles, for the burden he willingly placed back on his own shoulders and chained himself to.]
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So what do you want from him?
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Nothing. I'm just -- frustrated. Thought it'd be enough just to undo what he did, take Castor back, but he was messed up so bad he turned right into one of those damn crystal things anyway. An' that ain't even the end of it all...
[After all that, he wasn't even fast enough to summon him the next time someone was in trouble. There's a sharp, agitated exhale.]
Shit always goes to hell when I'm involved. Some things just don't change.
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This place kind of plays on that. And he's new. He wouldn't have known.
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He always did think if he could just fix me, everything would go back the way it was.
[Hell, it had been a surprise how little Aki has pushed him on all the things they used to fight about -- real visible signs of things having changed after he died. But isn't he the same? That's his wish, too, after all, just more literally.]
Guess I shouldn't be surprised he took his shot.
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and yet. shinji doesn't really talk to people, he blows them off angrily. he doubles down on his pain and guilt. and dolph can empathize as well. maybe even envy. ]
Maybe you just need to find some middle ground. For now.
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[What does that even mean, really? What does it look like? He's been ... making more of an effort than he had when he was freshly arrived. He has a house he lives in, more or less takes care of his needs and even engages in his hobby, sometimes using shards earned from talking to people. He has more than he expected, honestly. He's even participated in some of the quest board items, recently.
It's been an exhausting few days, though. He wouldn't have it in him to get defensive even if it's what he felt right now. As wrung out as he is, though, instead ...there's space to just -- listen.]
Like what?
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But neither of you are going to get very far like this.
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[Long before Aki even arrived, Shinjiro had found himself worried about his friend showing up and throwing his future away for more time with him. He deserves better than to rot indefinitely in some magical torture cage for the sake of a dead man.]
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Just lay it out. Set something in stone.
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[He closes his eyes for a moment, fingers tightening against the edge of the windowsill to keep his hands from shaking. He'd snapped angrily at him, then, tried to push him away for feeling stung. But Laserhawk had come for him anyway, refused to go, and he can't deny something's been built here. Maybe the least he can do is finally try to answer that question, from before.]
...You know that phrase, the road to hell's paved with good intentions? I'm -- tired of walking on it, Laserhawk. [You always think everyone has it easier than you--] And not bein' able to see the path off that others do.
[It was different in Iwatodai. The road had already reached its dead end, and all that was left for him was taking the last step off the cliff. But what does he do now?]
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but. he's met so many people here. lives that have touched him. lives even he has touched. ultimately, dolph has come to his own conclusions. ]
Maybe don't see the road. Just see the people you meet.
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And if I wind up running them over? What gives me the right to just keep on going?
[To keep trying, to keep failing? Surely there must...be a limit, right. A tipping point, at which he should stop. It seems so impossible to bear the weight of just being this for the rest of the indefinite future.]
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Being alive is not your crime.
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shall we wrap?
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