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[ it's definitely an option he's playing in his head. maybe he's moving too fast. he should think it through. but he's always moved fast in this. always too eager, too desperate, too afraid to let it slip through his fingers. dolph moans into the kiss, sliding his palms over jean's shoulders, latching on tightly. ]

[ Jean's not opposed to it. His and Eren's relationship, while romantic, isn't physical; Mikasa is relearning herself slowly, and Jean would cut off his own arm first rather than pressure her.

If Dolph knows what he wants, Jean is happy to provide it - but it's also not required and he doesn't want to give Dolph the impression it is. Not that he's helping much when his other hand slides out from under the shirt to give a shameless grope to his ass. Jean hums in response to the moan, pleased. ]

[ this was one of the things that came more easily to him than anything else. more than feelings, more than trust. dolph always felt he had a better grasp when he could feel skin under his fingertips, map a body out with his mouth.

he pulls away for a moment, breathless, his lips kiss-stung. ]

I have a room close by. If you want.

[ Jean can understand that desire for physicality; he's enjoyed what he's done before, with men and women. He likes the noises he can draw out with his hands and mouth, watching a partner come undone.

Dolph looks good like this, he thinks, and when Dolph offers the room Jean bites his bottom lip for a second in thought. ]

If you want, then yes, I'm very much interested.

[ Squeezing his ass again for emphasis. ]

[ dolph smiles faintly and tugs his arm to one of the private rooms he has set up in the club. complete with a furbished bed. he knew what they would be used for after all.

once he closes the door, dolph pushes jean against the wall to kiss him firmly. ]

[ At least it's a nice room and Dolph knows what people are going to get up to in here. The privacy is appreciated - Jean might have something of an exhibitionist streak, but a dance floor still isn't ideal.

Being pushed up against the wall is nice - there's not many people taller than Jean, back home - and he wraps his arms around Dolph again as he returns the kiss, deepening it. He's quicker to get his hands under that shirt this time, fingers dragging along his spine. ]

[ dolph is inclined to do the same, letting his hands travel and pressing a trail of kisses down his neck. ]

[ Jean hums his approval out at the kisses to his neck. He might be the one with more clothes on, but he tugs on Dolph's shirt first, wanting him to take it off. He's also not helping him get it off by remaining pressed up against him. ]

C'mon - I wanna see you.

[ his cheeks darken for a moment and he hesitates over the hem of his shirt before pulling it off. dolph never had much in the way of scars and wounds. he's never been sure if that's genetics or because of the experiments he went through. sometimes, he'd like answers, but he'd never get them. not from eden, not from the warden.

not from alex.

he does shift on his feet for a moment, uncertain. baring his metal parts is always . . . uncomfortable. ]

[ Ironically enough, scars or a lack of doesn't bother Jean. He's used to Mikasa's, and he's used to Reiner and Eren's lack of them. He's quick to slide his hands up Dolph's chest, but he pauses with the uncertainty he can see in Dolph's eyes. He moves a hand to hover over where metal meets flesh. ]

Is it okay if I touch here?

[ His voice is soft, no hint of disgust. That's the thing; Jean's all about Dolph's comfort right now. If he wanted to leave the shirt on, he'd let him, and he's not about to push boundaries the first time they do this. ]

It's fine, it's just . . .

I hate it. I hate all of it.

[ Jean lets his hand rest on the spot on Dolph's shoulder, where he can feel both metal and flesh under his palm. He tilts his head up to press a kiss to Dolph's cheek. ]

Because it's something Eden gave you and tried to take back?

[ a dry snort. ]

More like forced. I had no choice. I was just property.

You're not anyone's property now.

[ He gives a little squeeze. ]

Would you get rid of it, if you could?

[ a long pause. ]

I don't know. It's been with me for so long. I don't even really remember my head not being like this. Or my arm not being a weapon.

I've never been anything else.

Okay. At least, here, you have no idea what Vaeros might decide to replace it with, too.

[ After a moment he starts nudging Dolph towards the bed, despite the serious subject matter. ]

Sometimes the things you hate are also things you can use, though. Levi will tell you I'm one of the best strategists he has. I'll say I thought I was a monster, the first time I used someone's death as a distraction to make sure the rest of us survived.

You were a soldier.

[ dolph reaches out to trace forgotten tear lines on jean's face. he's been a soldier too. he had people under his command. he knows how it is. ]

Do you still feel that way?

[ Dolph's sweet, to trace those spots. Jean's not crying - he hardly needs to shed more tears at the moment - but he smiles, turning his head to kiss Dolph's palm. ]

I've done what I have to. It doesn't make it any easier to realize you've taken someone's life, indirectly or not.

[ He tries not to let it eat him up, but he's not like some of his peers; it's hard to separate it. He'll always feel like it's a personal failure. ]

Or any easier to carry it.

[ because he can see jean's carrying it all. he wonders if he bears jade's life with the same kind of weight. he's killed plenty but dolph's never given a second thought. it was eden. eden or him. dolph tugs him along, to the bed, his knees hitting the edge.

he's sure jean's partners help him in that. dolph can . . . what? he's not sure.

but he can try. ]

[ Actually, Dolph helps just by acknowledging it. Mikasa doesn't experience the same shape of regret that he does, at least not yet; Eren hasn't killed a human before, even if he knows how terrible his future becomes.

Just hearing that it's hard to carry makes Jean exhale softly, a small smile on his face. When Dolph's knees hit the edge, Jean gently pushes him down, until Dolph is at least sitting.

Jean plants one knee on the bed, outside Dolph's thigh, and drops his hands down to his vest. He deftly undoes the buttons for both it and the button-up underneath, shrugging the fabrics off and tossing them to the side. It's clearer the kind of upper body work Jean's handled, and, interestingly, besides the dusting of blonde chest hair, there's a pattern of scars that cross over his body, in the same shape as the gear he wears.

Still, he knows he looks good and grins down at Dolph before he lets himself sit in his lap, pressing another kiss to his mouth. ]

Sorry to bring the mood down. Maybe I can help get both our minds off it.

[ dolph breathes out reverently, leaning into the kiss. ]

Jean.

[ he then cradles his face, fingers brushing the bristle of his chin. ]

You didn't. I also . . . want to know. All that scar tissue. In a way, it makes me feel less lonely.

[ The fingers cradling his face are sweet, and Jean's expression goes from a grin to the softer, sweeter smile that Dolph is probably seeing more of now. ]

Remember what I said about wanting to know good things and the bad? Seems like it goes both ways.

[ Another kiss, fingers coming up to stroke through Dolph's hair, tangling in the strands. ]

[ both ways, huh. he should remember that. it used to always go one way. alex had all those parts of dolph, but dolph's not sure what he knew of alex. what he knows of anyone. he sighs into the kiss. ]

I'll . . . try to remember.

It's okay if you forget. I'll just have to remind you.

[ He presses a kiss to Dolph's ear, next, working his way from there down the side of his neck. If this were at home he'd ask how Dolph wants to do this, so he could work on prepping one of them. He doesn't have to rush this, though.

He's got time. He's going to enjoy himself. Which means bending down to press a kiss to Dolph's chest, then nipping at the skin there, dragging teeth over tanned skin to leave faint marks. His hand slides down to cup over the front of Dolph's pants. ]

[ dolph is certainly no rush. he wants to soak it in. his palms skim over jean's back, exploring while dolph arches under jean's touch. the marks feel good, visceral in a way he hadn't thought would zing right down to his heart. his fingers tighten their grip. ]

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