laserhawk | ( inbox )

[ a long pause. ]

I don't know. It's been with me for so long. I don't even really remember my head not being like this. Or my arm not being a weapon.

I've never been anything else.

Okay. At least, here, you have no idea what Vaeros might decide to replace it with, too.

[ After a moment he starts nudging Dolph towards the bed, despite the serious subject matter. ]

Sometimes the things you hate are also things you can use, though. Levi will tell you I'm one of the best strategists he has. I'll say I thought I was a monster, the first time I used someone's death as a distraction to make sure the rest of us survived.

You were a soldier.

[ dolph reaches out to trace forgotten tear lines on jean's face. he's been a soldier too. he had people under his command. he knows how it is. ]

Do you still feel that way?

[ Dolph's sweet, to trace those spots. Jean's not crying - he hardly needs to shed more tears at the moment - but he smiles, turning his head to kiss Dolph's palm. ]

I've done what I have to. It doesn't make it any easier to realize you've taken someone's life, indirectly or not.

[ He tries not to let it eat him up, but he's not like some of his peers; it's hard to separate it. He'll always feel like it's a personal failure. ]

Or any easier to carry it.

[ because he can see jean's carrying it all. he wonders if he bears jade's life with the same kind of weight. he's killed plenty but dolph's never given a second thought. it was eden. eden or him. dolph tugs him along, to the bed, his knees hitting the edge.

he's sure jean's partners help him in that. dolph can . . . what? he's not sure.

but he can try. ]

[ Actually, Dolph helps just by acknowledging it. Mikasa doesn't experience the same shape of regret that he does, at least not yet; Eren hasn't killed a human before, even if he knows how terrible his future becomes.

Just hearing that it's hard to carry makes Jean exhale softly, a small smile on his face. When Dolph's knees hit the edge, Jean gently pushes him down, until Dolph is at least sitting.

Jean plants one knee on the bed, outside Dolph's thigh, and drops his hands down to his vest. He deftly undoes the buttons for both it and the button-up underneath, shrugging the fabrics off and tossing them to the side. It's clearer the kind of upper body work Jean's handled, and, interestingly, besides the dusting of blonde chest hair, there's a pattern of scars that cross over his body, in the same shape as the gear he wears.

Still, he knows he looks good and grins down at Dolph before he lets himself sit in his lap, pressing another kiss to his mouth. ]

Sorry to bring the mood down. Maybe I can help get both our minds off it.

[ dolph breathes out reverently, leaning into the kiss. ]

Jean.

[ he then cradles his face, fingers brushing the bristle of his chin. ]

You didn't. I also . . . want to know. All that scar tissue. In a way, it makes me feel less lonely.

[ The fingers cradling his face are sweet, and Jean's expression goes from a grin to the softer, sweeter smile that Dolph is probably seeing more of now. ]

Remember what I said about wanting to know good things and the bad? Seems like it goes both ways.

[ Another kiss, fingers coming up to stroke through Dolph's hair, tangling in the strands. ]

[ both ways, huh. he should remember that. it used to always go one way. alex had all those parts of dolph, but dolph's not sure what he knew of alex. what he knows of anyone. he sighs into the kiss. ]

I'll . . . try to remember.

It's okay if you forget. I'll just have to remind you.

[ He presses a kiss to Dolph's ear, next, working his way from there down the side of his neck. If this were at home he'd ask how Dolph wants to do this, so he could work on prepping one of them. He doesn't have to rush this, though.

He's got time. He's going to enjoy himself. Which means bending down to press a kiss to Dolph's chest, then nipping at the skin there, dragging teeth over tanned skin to leave faint marks. His hand slides down to cup over the front of Dolph's pants. ]

[ dolph is certainly no rush. he wants to soak it in. his palms skim over jean's back, exploring while dolph arches under jean's touch. the marks feel good, visceral in a way he hadn't thought would zing right down to his heart. his fingers tighten their grip. ]

[ He likes the feel of Dolph's hands and fingers on his back; he lets out an encouraging groan for Dolph to keep doing it. He leaves his hand pressed up against Dolph but not moving as he keeps working over his chest. Another sharp bite, over the curve of one pec, and then he closes his mouth around a nipple, giving it a teasing suck.

Some men like this; others you might as well be licking their wallet, for all it does for them. ]

[ for dolph, touch is still so exciting. he can never get enough of it. long ago, touch had been nothing but brutal. punches and kicks, endless fighting. when he had gotten out, it's all he could do not to sink into the pleasure of it. even now, he gasps, air punched out of lungs. he writhes on the bed for a moment, his nails digging into jean's back. ]

[ He likes that Dolph is so responsive to this kind of thing; that's Jean's favorite thing to do period, is draw noises and reactions out of his partners. His gold eyes gaze up over Dolph as he writhes, enjoying the feel of those nails in his back.

He hums against Dolph's skin; his other hand, the one not pressing against his groin, comes up to his other nipple, giving it a gentle pinch as Jean flicks his tongue over the other one. He follows the movement with a nip to his skin, a smile on his face. ]

[ it's a lot. even now, despite the leaps and bounds dolph made with physical intimacy, it always seems to crash into him like a tidal wave. perhaps that was the allure for him, why he chased it so ardently. there's something about having someone's complete attention and action laser-focused on himself.

he has no interest in being passive, slipping one palm to rove over jean's chest while another tangles his fingers in jean's hair, lightly scraping over his scalp. ]

[ The tug on his hair gets a groan spilling from Jean's lips - yes, more of that, please - and he presses his chest against Dolph's hand, clearly enjoying the touches there.

Jean doesn't stop teasing Dolph's nipples, though, kissing and biting his way across his chest to the other one, letting his mouth soothe any ache from pinching it with his fingers. He does eventually lean up a bit. ]

I wanna taste you.

[ The way the hand on his groin squeezes over the shape of his cock makes it pretty clear where. ]

[ oh. his skin tingles. ]

Yeah, of course.

[ his own fingers reach for his own zipper, tugging it down. he palms his cock in preparation. ]

[ Jean backs off a bit just so he can slide off the bed. He rests on his knees as he settles between Dolph's spread legs, watching him undo the zipper and stroke himself. It's a nice looking cock, and Jean glances up at Dolph, unable to help a smirk. ]

Cute.

[ He does mean it, but he's also enjoying teasing him. He leans down to press his lips to the base of Dolph's cock, sticking his tongue out to drag it up, along the shaft, stopping when his tongue flicks over the head of Dolph's cock. ]

[ dolph nearly protests but the words promptly get stuck in his throat as he losts his train of thought. his face is flushed and open, his single pupil blown away a near dark blue. it's hard not to move, on the cusp of arousal and pleasure. ]

[ It's nice that Dolph isn't moving; Jean reaches a hand up to wrap around the base of his cock for a moment, looking up at him and grinning. ]

Pulling hair is fine - so is moving. I can take it.

[ And, determined to prove just that, he ducks his head down to slide Dolph's cock into his mouth, letting out a little groan. He likes this, the feel of something in his mouth, and he lets himself keep going. He takes most of Dolph's cock in one long slide before he pulls back a little, only to sink down again. ]

[ oh. he's a livewire. his body jerks and he lets sheepishness colour his expression. his toes curl in pleasure as he sinks into that warm heath that has engulfed him. ]

[ Jean doesn't seem worried in the slightest about Dolph's body jerking, letting his eyes flutter closed as he sucks. Determined to show off, he bobs his head until he's taken Dolph's cock fully, down his throat, so that his nose brushes the hair at the base of Dolph's cock before he pulls back.

Wonder how someone might look smug sucking cock? Wonder no more, Jean has somehow managed it, as he ducks his head down again, starting a pattern of taking Dolph deep and pulling back a bit. ]

[ he is absolutely getting teased and he knows it. but he doesn't really have room to protest as he keens, tossing his head back and feeling himself on the threshold. arousal builds in the pit of his stomach, making his head spin, heat clouding his vision. ]

[ Jean has no intentions of stopping unless Dolph asks him to, so he keeps going, humming gently as he works Dolph over. One of his hands comes up to cup his balls as well, squeezing gently and trying to stimulate him with not just his mouth, but his hands as well.

And apparently prepared to swallow, if his continued use of said mouth is any indication. ]

[ it doesn't take long and he'll probably be embarrassed about that later too. all of those factors, the wet heat, the gentle touch and the fact that it was jean has him coming soon, his fingers clenched around the sheets and in jean's hair. ]

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finally off to bed as its getting Spicy

sleep well!

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