laserhawk | ( inbox )

... you know, perhaps he is not a club kind of person. He's pretty quiet.

[ She smooths down her skirt, humming to herself thoughtfully. ]

The blue-haired boy who was at the cafe launch. He also works with Akira-kun and I.

[ Is she just crushing on everyone in the cafe? Apparently. ]

[ dolph raises his one eyebrow. ]

So he's your employee? Bold move.

[ As if she's been bit by something, Haru jumps and waves her hand frantically. ]

Ah! He's a friend! I-I knew him before any of this!

[ She looks away then, that dusting of red on her cheeks far too evident. ]

Besides, I... maybe it's nothing. He's nice to me, so perhaps I'm confused by it. I didn't know a lot of people back home until I met my friends after all.

[ hm. dolph looks her over for a moment. ]

But you want it to be, right?

Sounds good enough for Valentine's.

I don't know actually.

[ She's never felt such a confusing mix of emotions before.

So many people here have talked about it, like it's second nature for them, but for Haru who has spent most of her life isolated from others, it's rather overwhelming. ]

It doesn't feel wrong, but it feels... strange. It makes my head spin a little to think about more than one person.

[ hm. dolph considers that thoughtfully for a moment. ]

. . . Like you're giving something up for liking two people?

Not like that.

[ Haru sits in deep contemplation, trying to find the right way to phrase it. ]

More like... that I'm betraying someone.

[ That person being Akira, despite how illogical it is. ]

[ he can understand that. to leave alex behind, with all that happened . . . it wasn't easy. even after everything, it doesn't feel any easier.

just. better to breathe it in. to be himself. ]

How can it be a betrayal to love?

Is it a silly question? My apologies. I really don't have this kind of experience.

[ All of it is unfamiliar territory.

It doesn't at all feel like the fairy tales she grew up on. ]

You never felt um, differently? About your feelings for more than one person.

I wouldn't say silly. I just meant that I don't see what's there to betray if it's all just love.

[ he pauses over her last question, running his fingers through his hair. ]

For me, being able to love at all is the most I've ever had. I wasn't allowed to. I never had anyone.

And loving . . . one person is what ended badly for me.

[ A flicker of Dolph's home, despite it being an illusion, passes her mind's eye. ]

That's terrible, but I really am glad you have Jean-san and Eren! And you have so many other friends here who love you, just a different kind of love.

[ he smiles. ]

Me too.

The point for me is not about betrayal, it's about not missing the opportunities. And making sure the people I love . . . know I love them.

[ his smile falters briefly. ]

I missed telling someone that once. I wish I had.

I think I know what you mean, although my case was my father.

[ One more conversation. One more hug. One more "I love you".

It would have been enough, perhaps.

But what's done is done. ]

It's unfortunate we don't realize until that opportunity has passed, but on the bright side, we also know for the future.

That's the point of letting myself feel more.

It's what continues after me.

And it takes a lot of courage to do that.

[ She knows; she lived a good part of her life in that kind of fear. ]

I guess now it makes a bit more sense to me, being able to have feelings for more than one person. It really is feeling more, isn't it?

Yeah. I spent my life limiting myself. Stopping myself. Even when I got out, I wasn't really free.

And . . . now I am.

[ Love is freeing, isn't it?

She hopes she can experience it proper, in full, one day.

For now, it makes her heart soar to know Dolph can bask in it without fear. Dolph deserves to be loved in the same way.

... and maybe she finally realizes she also loves Dolph Laserhawk, as many of his friends have come to. ]

You deserve that, Dolph-san.

[ dolph gives a soft chuckle at that. what he deserves is a question he's stopped asking. he doesn't need to know if he deserves it. he doesn't have to ask the world what he is and what he deserves.

he seizes it with with his own hands. ]

Thanks.

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we can wrap this but jesus christ i'm scared for my life for their farewell thread

wrapped!