[ dolph has changed. has kept changing. perhaps he's finally becoming who he was supposed to be all along before eden bludgeoned those parts of him. or dolph himself cut them away out of fear. that feeling may never fully bleed away. it's been too present in his life, too active to truly move away from.
but he can live with it and still act beyond it. ]
Yeah, though I'm not sure what yet. It's hard to think of what makes me, I suppose. How it reflects in a place.
[ He's changed. It's there in his eyes. It's there in those slight mannerisms. There's just those little shifts in how he acts. It's the same as anyone else, or if not, then Dazai has at least convinced himself of it.
It's as it should be. Dolph might be akin to a flower that was denied sunlight and water, smothered, before the covering was finally removed and sunshowers bequeathed upon him.
How wonderful that is. It is, and that's why he hums thoughtfully, focusing his eyes on the neon lights and vibrant colors that are so much more comforting to him than the fantasy aesthetics. ]
Well, if you redecorate, it'd better not be something that the locals would approve of. I'm tired of the "ye old times" vibe.
[ He lets out a long suffering sigh with that, leaning slightly to one side in the most dramatic manner before poking his glass. But he rights himself soon enough, opening his singularly visible eye. ]
But as long as you can avoid that, anything is fine. You've been here long enough, [ His fingertip taps the rim of the glass a couple times, ] So, whatever you like, whatever you dislike, however you imagine this place... That is you, isn't it?
[ How it reflects this place is something, but this place is a reflection of who Dolph is.
[ is it? even now, dolph isn't quite sure. quartz is his, not alex's. nothing about his ex has touched this place and yet, it feels every part had some say. not just alex, but that aspect of his past. when things were just . . . better. when he had dreams.
but that nostalgia was draining away along with the pain it brought. perhaps he finally had closure. weird that a dream world would make that real. ]
I never really had a good handle on who I am . . . Right now, it works but maybe someday, I'll change things.
[ Dazai props his elbows up on the bar, tenting his hands before resting his chin on them. He cants his head to one side. ]
I like it the way that it is.
[ Which isn't to say that it shouldn't be changed, but whether or not it ought to be isn't his place to say in the end. But after a moment of thought he will add, ]
Well, if you change it, all that will be left is nostalgia, and complaints and compliments on how it's better or worse... [ He does kick his feet just a bit, his soles thumping against the bar just once or twice, ] ... I'll be the first to complain if you change it. I'll complain for at least a year if you do.
[ All of this per-emptive complaining and yapping but he does finish it off with - ]
Though I guess any place is fine as long as you can fine as long as you have good memories, huh?
[ either way, dolph isn't sure what kind of changes he even wants. it's a step forward to consider it, to pull away from the fantasized club prism that only exists in his memories. ]
Anyway, it doesn't have to be just the good ones. Any's fine as long as they're mine.
[ a place where he gets to decide. no longer the plaything of abusers. ]
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but he can live with it and still act beyond it. ]
Yeah, though I'm not sure what yet. It's hard to think of what makes me, I suppose. How it reflects in a place.
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It's as it should be. Dolph might be akin to a flower that was denied sunlight and water, smothered, before the covering was finally removed and sunshowers bequeathed upon him.
How wonderful that is. It is, and that's why he hums thoughtfully, focusing his eyes on the neon lights and vibrant colors that are so much more comforting to him than the fantasy aesthetics. ]
Well, if you redecorate, it'd better not be something that the locals would approve of. I'm tired of the "ye old times" vibe.
[ He lets out a long suffering sigh with that, leaning slightly to one side in the most dramatic manner before poking his glass. But he rights himself soon enough, opening his singularly visible eye. ]
But as long as you can avoid that, anything is fine. You've been here long enough, [ His fingertip taps the rim of the glass a couple times, ] So, whatever you like, whatever you dislike, however you imagine this place... That is you, isn't it?
[ How it reflects this place is something, but this place is a reflection of who Dolph is.
It's a precious place to Dazai. ]
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but that nostalgia was draining away along with the pain it brought. perhaps he finally had closure. weird that a dream world would make that real. ]
I never really had a good handle on who I am . . . Right now, it works but maybe someday, I'll change things.
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I like it the way that it is.
[ Which isn't to say that it shouldn't be changed, but whether or not it ought to be isn't his place to say in the end. But after a moment of thought he will add, ]
Well, if you change it, all that will be left is nostalgia, and complaints and compliments on how it's better or worse... [ He does kick his feet just a bit, his soles thumping against the bar just once or twice, ] ... I'll be the first to complain if you change it. I'll complain for at least a year if you do.
[ All of this per-emptive complaining and yapping but he does finish it off with - ]
Though I guess any place is fine as long as you can fine as long as you have good memories, huh?
[ As long as there's nostalgia. ]
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[ either way, dolph isn't sure what kind of changes he even wants. it's a step forward to consider it, to pull away from the fantasized club prism that only exists in his memories. ]
Anyway, it doesn't have to be just the good ones. Any's fine as long as they're mine.
[ a place where he gets to decide. no longer the plaything of abusers. ]
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[ He perks up suddenly, looking about, ]
Ah, come to think of it, no one's tried to crash the place yet, right?
[ Granted, no one did with Lupin either, but if they're getting into memories... ]
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Not really. Why would anyone bother?