[ is it? even now, dolph isn't quite sure. quartz is his, not alex's. nothing about his ex has touched this place and yet, it feels every part had some say. not just alex, but that aspect of his past. when things were just . . . better. when he had dreams.
but that nostalgia was draining away along with the pain it brought. perhaps he finally had closure. weird that a dream world would make that real. ]
I never really had a good handle on who I am . . . Right now, it works but maybe someday, I'll change things.
[ Dazai props his elbows up on the bar, tenting his hands before resting his chin on them. He cants his head to one side. ]
I like it the way that it is.
[ Which isn't to say that it shouldn't be changed, but whether or not it ought to be isn't his place to say in the end. But after a moment of thought he will add, ]
Well, if you change it, all that will be left is nostalgia, and complaints and compliments on how it's better or worse... [ He does kick his feet just a bit, his soles thumping against the bar just once or twice, ] ... I'll be the first to complain if you change it. I'll complain for at least a year if you do.
[ All of this per-emptive complaining and yapping but he does finish it off with - ]
Though I guess any place is fine as long as you can fine as long as you have good memories, huh?
[ either way, dolph isn't sure what kind of changes he even wants. it's a step forward to consider it, to pull away from the fantasized club prism that only exists in his memories. ]
Anyway, it doesn't have to be just the good ones. Any's fine as long as they're mine.
[ a place where he gets to decide. no longer the plaything of abusers. ]
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no subject
but that nostalgia was draining away along with the pain it brought. perhaps he finally had closure. weird that a dream world would make that real. ]
I never really had a good handle on who I am . . . Right now, it works but maybe someday, I'll change things.
no subject
I like it the way that it is.
[ Which isn't to say that it shouldn't be changed, but whether or not it ought to be isn't his place to say in the end. But after a moment of thought he will add, ]
Well, if you change it, all that will be left is nostalgia, and complaints and compliments on how it's better or worse... [ He does kick his feet just a bit, his soles thumping against the bar just once or twice, ] ... I'll be the first to complain if you change it. I'll complain for at least a year if you do.
[ All of this per-emptive complaining and yapping but he does finish it off with - ]
Though I guess any place is fine as long as you can fine as long as you have good memories, huh?
[ As long as there's nostalgia. ]
no subject
[ either way, dolph isn't sure what kind of changes he even wants. it's a step forward to consider it, to pull away from the fantasized club prism that only exists in his memories. ]
Anyway, it doesn't have to be just the good ones. Any's fine as long as they're mine.
[ a place where he gets to decide. no longer the plaything of abusers. ]
no subject
[ He perks up suddenly, looking about, ]
Ah, come to think of it, no one's tried to crash the place yet, right?
[ Granted, no one did with Lupin either, but if they're getting into memories... ]
no subject
Not really. Why would anyone bother?