[ And that'd be a ring ring, Laserhawk. Bit of an awkward pause when he picks up, too. ]
Hey, so... be cool, yeah?
[ She adjusts the phone against her ear, giving it a brief look. She hasn't heard of it recording and broadcasting things said, but she's sure it's got some sort of capacity for recording and storing information at least. If that's the case, it already has, so... deep breath. ]
I don't think you would, but promise me you won't let this slip if it's in your power. You'll get why when I explain, just... I need you to do that for me and mean it.
[ It's a mix of relief and tension that grips her. She knows she can trust Laserhawk; she feels it strongly. Just because she broke the conditioning that made it more than physically painful for her to yield secrets doesn't mean it it doesn't affect her physically anymore, particularly when it comes to certain things.
Thus, she braces quietly as she tends to. ]
So, I'm not wholly human. No biggie.
[ Did she just say "biggie"? ]
The polite term for my race is hanyoukai -- "han" being "half," "youkai" usually being translated as something like "demon," "spirit," "apparition," "goblin" -- the list goes on. The clan that'd claim me [ an important distinction, that wording ] is subject to what's called "the Hunger," which starts at the same time as puberty. They develop an appetite, a... very primal lust for flesh and blood, especially that of humans.
That's life from that point on. Adapt or die: there's no in-between, no exposing or compromising the clan.
I was on my own. No guidance, no instruction manual. [ ... ] I guess... maybe things got confused? I don't know. I do know it got weird, imagining kissing somebody one moment and uh, taking more than a nibble the next, so I just... stopped.
It's not like I had time to focus on that kind of thing anyway, y'know? Surviving's always been the priority. Controlling myself, the Hunger, managing it -- I have to be able to do it and it takes a lot of me to do it, Laserhawk. It's bad enough it gets weird. I think it might be worse when I like someone like that? Even if it isn't, liking someone like that, that takes a lot of me, too.
You've seen what this place can do. We both have.
[ It's how they met. She doubts he needs a detailed reminder. ]
I have to have my energy. I have to be able to focus. If I were to lose control of myself, I... I just don't want to hurt him or anyone else. That's why.
[ It would be now that her stomach chooses to assert its opinion about the matter. It's a loud, lengthy growl, loud enough to be heard over the phone. ]
[ oh that is. a lot. no wonder she got weird on him a while back when he told her she should keep trying. how do you keep a leash on your nature? when this place is always waiting to dig its hooks in you.
still. he wouldn't take back those words. ]
So. What's the priority now? Is it just survival? Those feelings you have aren't going to go away just because of that.
Why not adapt to the idea that who you are isn't something to be feared or kept at arm's length, but to be understood?
'Not all the time,' she thinks. 'Not in the exact same ways as in Tokyo.'
Nao wouldn't say she's relaxed exactly, but looking out into the night at her land while sitting on the outdoor veranda of her farm house, she can't exactly say her priority right now is just survival. She doesn't want for food, water, shelter, clothing, shoes, or funds. The things and people who might threaten her life, livelihood, and the lives of her friends are local to the world or Dreamers like herself. There are no Shizuoka here; the only people who know anything about the clan and the danger she would pose were she to lose control of herself are the people she's told herself, and she's been careful, selective about who she's told and what she's told them.
She has friends, people she can rely on to some extent and with whom she has personal relationships rather than professional ones. They hang out, do things together, play -- and she hasn't played in so long, not like this. Not ever, not Nao.
Survival is still a priority, but there are other priorities, too. Establishing her farm and entering the market, supplying Basilio and Fidelio's eventual diner, perhaps opening up a few other business ventures; discovering the identity of the mysterious contractor, finding a way for Dreamers to retain their memories of the world and tether themselves to it so they have the option to stay or control their departure is dire. And, of course, there are so many things she wants to do, research, learn, explore. There's people she wants to meet and understand she hasn't even laid eyes on yet!
Is this something like living? It's more than surviving and Laserhawk is right. Her feelings probably would go away were she to hole up somewhere, resume playing "ghost," and -- well, surviving is different here, isn't it?
Still. She adjusts her phone against her ear. Adjust...? ]
What do you mean? Like, explain these things about myself or...?
[ An eyebrow may or may not be raised beneath her fringe. That she's asking him to clarify instead of rebuking the idea should speak volumes. ]
Everyone here comes from different places. We all have baggage. Terrible things we've done. Parts of our nature we try to suppress and deny.
[ dolph has his arm. the back door to his head. even now, he frets about that weakness. the way someone could just slip into his head. change everything about him. kill him without lifting a finger. the powerlessness and the pain has not been forgotten. not even here.
but what kind of life is that? to be bound by your own fear. who wins? no one except the people who made him this way. ]
You know them best. If you trust them, then you should share it with them too. Change the nature of your survival. Adapt it to this place. So when or if something happens, you don't have to face it on your own.
[ If Nao hadn't been holding her Oracle to her ear with her right hand, she would've touched the scar on her upper-left arm. She would've wrapped her fingers around it and held it tight enough to really feel it because it's real, physical proof of what Laserhawk is saying.
She trusts Basilio, who severed her arm and grappled with guilt and his fear of losing control of himself, the possibility he might hurt if not kill someone and like it. She trusts Laserhawk, who saw their situation for what it was at that time, saved her life, and spared Basilio's in turn. Laserhawk's quick thinking and the efforts of the healers at the conclave are the reason she has her life and left arm right now and they had been complete strangers at the time.
Later, at the time she'd shared with Basilio her fear of losing control of herself and why, he'd said something that resonates with what Laserhawk is saying.
"You got friends to rely on, now. If things start gettin' scary, we'll all help you out," Bas had said, and hugged her.
It was the first time she'd felt safe in nine years and it was in the arms of a friend, her first friend, who, knowing about the Hunger and some things about the Shizuoka clan, looked her in the face and resolved to stick with her. Had it been anyone else, she might have had ground to stand on if she'd tried to argue it was solely because of some sense of obligation he felt since she'd stuck with him after he'd lost control of himself and hurt her, but it's Bas, so that argument can't begin to stand. He's honest and earnest, the type to raise a brow and say, "It's a glass of water," if she was to ask him about a glass half-empty, half-full of water.
Before that, she'd been terrified.
To not have to face things on her own when something happens, to trust the people she knows with her secrets and life... change the nature of her survival and adapt it to this place, it seems so obvious when Laserhawk says it. She's been adapting to the world and her situation, but the nature of her survival hadn't changed in her mind. It was only at the beginning of January after she wished herself proper and regained her abilities, that critically missing piece of self that she could investigate whether or not any Shizuoka were present in the world. There weren't and some things changed with that knowledge, but not the nature of her survival. No, not that, or had she in some way?
She'd told Bas about the Hunger and some other things and has been planning on sharing knowledge of the Hunger Fidelio so he's aware in case something happens. With Strohl, during the Flower Petal Disease outbreak, it had just sort of... happened and Will, she thinks it's probably safe to tell him some things, too.
She isn't a Shizuoka, that's her claim; and yet, she suffers the Hunger. It's an indisputable proof of Shizuoka heritage she can't hide behind contacts or ever be rid of. Coffee only suppresses her appetite for blood and flesh. She stays hungry. On bad days, she holes up in her room to try to sleep through the agony. Things apparently still get weird and every time she tells someone about these things, it feels like her claim shudders and weakens.
She has to look at it for her sake and the sake of her friends, but there are things she doesn't think anyone would understand. It's complicated, difficult, painful to consider, and Laserhawk hasn't said a single thing she could draw on to criticize the ideas he's put forward.
Nao isn't sure what to think. "Not too fast maybe" is a solid thought because this is a lot to process and consider even for her with her eight threads spinning simultaneously. She wonders what Hoshina would think, being the son of an ancient clan of monster hunters. Someone from a clan like that could go any way.
Finally, she exhales, releasing a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. ]
I've gotta do something. Going on like this indefinitely isn't an option. I'll think about it.
[ She really isn't sure where to start. It isn't that much, but it seems like it when she thinks about everything that's happened between Kazuya, Will, Strohl, and herself. ]
"Yes" or "no". It is acceptable to break your friends' legs to keep them from going to fight an unwinnable fight against a third party.
It wouldn't stop 'em, anyway. Strohl'd drag himself to a healer using his arms to be able to fight the guy, so you can imagine how well trying to talk him out of it's gone. Said he wants to understand Kazuya, so he's going to duel him. Will's been at odds with Kazuya because he wants to change his mind about how he views and treats demons, what with Kazuya being a demon king who subjugates and murders demons. They both want to.
[ Change Kazuya's mind, that is. ]
That's how it before Strohl stepped in and saved Will's life last month when Kazuya attacked him. Now?
I prooobably should've clarified when I said there were two situations! The first you know. The second involves different people, no crushes on my part, poor judgment, and violence.
The thought was if they can't walk, they can't run off and fight a demon king against whom they can't win in the short-or-long-term ultimately. Like I said, though, even breaking their legs wouldn't keep them from fighting the guy and I'm not sure what to do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Hey, so... be cool, yeah?
[ She adjusts the phone against her ear, giving it a brief look. She hasn't heard of it recording and broadcasting things said, but she's sure it's got some sort of capacity for recording and storing information at least. If that's the case, it already has, so... deep breath. ]
I don't think you would, but promise me you won't let this slip if it's in your power. You'll get why when I explain, just... I need you to do that for me and mean it.
no subject
Sure. It'll stay with me.
1/2 + CW: suggestion of cannibalism, vore ig
Thus, she braces quietly as she tends to. ]
So, I'm not wholly human. No biggie.
[ Did she just say "biggie"? ]
The polite term for my race is hanyoukai -- "han" being "half," "youkai" usually being translated as something like "demon," "spirit," "apparition," "goblin" -- the list goes on. The clan that'd claim me [ an important distinction, that wording ] is subject to what's called "the Hunger," which starts at the same time as puberty. They develop an appetite, a... very primal lust for flesh and blood, especially that of humans.
That's life from that point on. Adapt or die: there's no in-between, no exposing or compromising the clan.
I was on my own. No guidance, no instruction manual. [ ... ] I guess... maybe things got confused? I don't know. I do know it got weird, imagining kissing somebody one moment and uh, taking more than a nibble the next, so I just... stopped.
It's not like I had time to focus on that kind of thing anyway, y'know? Surviving's always been the priority. Controlling myself, the Hunger, managing it -- I have to be able to do it and it takes a lot of me to do it, Laserhawk. It's bad enough it gets weird. I think it might be worse when I like someone like that? Even if it isn't, liking someone like that, that takes a lot of me, too.
You've seen what this place can do. We both have.
[ It's how they met. She doubts he needs a detailed reminder. ]
I have to have my energy. I have to be able to focus. If I were to lose control of myself, I... I just don't want to hurt him or anyone else. That's why.
2/2
Oh, shut up, you!!
no subject
still. he wouldn't take back those words. ]
So. What's the priority now? Is it just survival? Those feelings you have aren't going to go away just because of that.
Why not adapt to the idea that who you are isn't something to be feared or kept at arm's length, but to be understood?
no subject
'Not all the time,' she thinks. 'Not in the exact same ways as in Tokyo.'
Nao wouldn't say she's relaxed exactly, but looking out into the night at her land while sitting on the outdoor veranda of her farm house, she can't exactly say her priority right now is just survival. She doesn't want for food, water, shelter, clothing, shoes, or funds. The things and people who might threaten her life, livelihood, and the lives of her friends are local to the world or Dreamers like herself. There are no Shizuoka here; the only people who know anything about the clan and the danger she would pose were she to lose control of herself are the people she's told herself, and she's been careful, selective about who she's told and what she's told them.
She has friends, people she can rely on to some extent and with whom she has personal relationships rather than professional ones. They hang out, do things together, play -- and she hasn't played in so long, not like this. Not ever, not Nao.
Survival is still a priority, but there are other priorities, too. Establishing her farm and entering the market, supplying Basilio and Fidelio's eventual diner, perhaps opening up a few other business ventures; discovering the identity of the mysterious contractor, finding a way for Dreamers to retain their memories of the world and tether themselves to it so they have the option to stay or control their departure is dire. And, of course, there are so many things she wants to do, research, learn, explore. There's people she wants to meet and understand she hasn't even laid eyes on yet!
Is this something like living? It's more than surviving and Laserhawk is right. Her feelings probably would go away were she to hole up somewhere, resume playing "ghost," and -- well, surviving is different here, isn't it?
Still. She adjusts her phone against her ear. Adjust...? ]
What do you mean? Like, explain these things about myself or...?
[ An eyebrow may or may not be raised beneath her fringe. That she's asking him to clarify instead of rebuking the idea should speak volumes. ]
no subject
Everyone here comes from different places. We all have baggage. Terrible things we've done. Parts of our nature we try to suppress and deny.
[ dolph has his arm. the back door to his head. even now, he frets about that weakness. the way someone could just slip into his head. change everything about him. kill him without lifting a finger. the powerlessness and the pain has not been forgotten. not even here.
but what kind of life is that? to be bound by your own fear. who wins? no one except the people who made him this way. ]
You know them best. If you trust them, then you should share it with them too. Change the nature of your survival. Adapt it to this place. So when or if something happens, you don't have to face it on your own.
1/2 | cw: allusion to cannibalism
She trusts Basilio, who severed her arm and grappled with guilt and his fear of losing control of himself, the possibility he might hurt if not kill someone and like it. She trusts Laserhawk, who saw their situation for what it was at that time, saved her life, and spared Basilio's in turn. Laserhawk's quick thinking and the efforts of the healers at the conclave are the reason she has her life and left arm right now and they had been complete strangers at the time.
Later, at the time she'd shared with Basilio her fear of losing control of herself and why, he'd said something that resonates with what Laserhawk is saying.
"You got friends to rely on, now. If things start gettin' scary, we'll all help you out," Bas had said, and hugged her.
It was the first time she'd felt safe in nine years and it was in the arms of a friend, her first friend, who, knowing about the Hunger and some things about the Shizuoka clan, looked her in the face and resolved to stick with her. Had it been anyone else, she might have had ground to stand on if she'd tried to argue it was solely because of some sense of obligation he felt since she'd stuck with him after he'd lost control of himself and hurt her, but it's Bas, so that argument can't begin to stand. He's honest and earnest, the type to raise a brow and say, "It's a glass of water," if she was to ask him about a glass half-empty, half-full of water.
Before that, she'd been terrified.
To not have to face things on her own when something happens, to trust the people she knows with her secrets and life... change the nature of her survival and adapt it to this place, it seems so obvious when Laserhawk says it. She's been adapting to the world and her situation, but the nature of her survival hadn't changed in her mind. It was only at the beginning of January after she wished herself proper and regained her abilities, that critically missing piece of self that she could investigate whether or not any Shizuoka were present in the world. There weren't and some things changed with that knowledge, but not the nature of her survival. No, not that, or had she in some way?
She'd told Bas about the Hunger and some other things and has been planning on sharing knowledge of the Hunger Fidelio so he's aware in case something happens. With Strohl, during the Flower Petal Disease outbreak, it had just sort of... happened and Will, she thinks it's probably safe to tell him some things, too.
She isn't a Shizuoka, that's her claim; and yet, she suffers the Hunger. It's an indisputable proof of Shizuoka heritage she can't hide behind contacts or ever be rid of. Coffee only suppresses her appetite for blood and flesh. She stays hungry. On bad days, she holes up in her room to try to sleep through the agony. Things apparently still get weird and every time she tells someone about these things, it feels like her claim shudders and weakens.
She has to look at it for her sake and the sake of her friends, but there are things she doesn't think anyone would understand. It's complicated, difficult, painful to consider, and Laserhawk hasn't said a single thing she could draw on to criticize the ideas he's put forward.
Nao isn't sure what to think. "Not too fast maybe" is a solid thought because this is a lot to process and consider even for her with her eight threads spinning simultaneously. She wonders what Hoshina would think, being the son of an ancient clan of monster hunters. Someone from a clan like that could go any way.
Finally, she exhales, releasing a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. ]
I've gotta do something. Going on like this indefinitely isn't an option. I'll think about it.
2/2
no subject
[ c'mon. really? ]
Also as someone with a computer in his head, I don't really recommend the switching shit off. You never know when you might need it.
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The crush thing is just part of your feelings. It's not some magical new thing you have, but something you were always capable of.
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[ She rubs her face quietly, thinking. ]
Wanna call it a night? I'm sure this has already been a lot.
[ Definitely for her, very probably for him, and Strohl, Will, and Kazuya -- that situation is its own kind of difficult. She's tired. ]
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If you want. It's your call.
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I'm not even sure where to start.
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Stick with that.
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"Yes" or "no". It is acceptable to break your friends' legs to keep them from going to fight an unwinnable fight against a third party.
[ Because she has, in fact, considered it. ]
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[ Change Kazuya's mind, that is. ]
That's how it before Strohl stepped in and saved Will's life last month when Kazuya attacked him. Now?
[ She sighs. She's sure Laserhawk'll follow. ]
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[ wasn't this some kind of crush thing? why are they talking about breaking legs and murder?? ]
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I'm not sure how to... handle it, I guess.
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So why do you want to break someone's legs?
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[ An important clarification, that. ]
The thought was if they can't walk, they can't run off and fight a demon king against whom they can't win in the short-or-long-term ultimately. Like I said, though, even breaking their legs wouldn't keep them from fighting the guy and I'm not sure what to do.
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Well, it wouldn't do much. With magical powers and healing stuff all around.
Just out them. Either to someone who can stop them or to someone they'll listen to.
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wr... ap?