[ dolph takes it politely, opening it up. it reminds him a little of the snacks from home. he forgets that maruki is one of the few people like dolph who hail from a more metropolitan world. he hands it first to eren to take some first. ]
[Eren takes a handful, popping it into his mouth and chewing as Dolph talks. His brow frowns a bit at the age comment, tongue stinging from the spicy snacks.]
I don't notice any difference due to that. [His voice sounds almost dismissive - can't help it.]
He's ["a close friend" - that doesn't quite sum it up.] my best friend.
[ he picks up on that. it's a good sign, he thinks. and he's not particularly offended. it was a joke between him and maruki, surrounded by people much younger than themselves. ]
Helps me, is what I meant. I'm glad you two are close.
[ best friend, huh? dolph's not sure he has one of those anymore. vash, perhaps, but that just might be wishful thinking of his part. he never did any friend any favors. never saved them. never helped. it's not a title he has the privilege to use anymore. ]
[ he hesitates for a moment before taking a seat besides eren. the waves lap at his feel and dolph can't help but shiver at the sensation. ]
This place was . . . the first time I've been to a real beach. I only ever saw them on pictures or tv shows. Alex and I — We were going to find a beach to live in peace.
[ and he just stops there. he doesn't need to say more. it was a child's dream. it was his dream. alex believed in it. alex broke because of it. no happy endings. when dolph first found the one in somnius, he cried to himself. and then only came back sparingly.]
[Eren is quiet for a long moment. Waves lap at their feet, both bare in the sand. It's a pleasing sound. There may be nothing on the other side of this ocean. Or there may be something worse.]
There's someone that I wanted that with too. Growing up, the sea was only a myth. Illegal to talk about, even.
[Knowledge, barred from every Eldian on Paradis. Eren only knows bitterness. By the time they reached the sea, he'd forgotten how to dream. It wasn't the beacon of freedom that he'd expected it to be; another cage, another wall.]
We did find it eventually.
[He finishes the thought there. If he has anything else to say about it, he doesn't share.]
[ just like him being on the beach in the dream. fragility sours so quickly in the face of adversity. maybe dolph should have held onto it better. pried it free from alex. but without alex, would he have even known how to dream?
where he begins and where alex ends is a question he never found an answer to. ]
[If his words aren't making sense, it's almost certainly because his mind isn't. Dolph is missing context and Eren is speaking in metaphors; he continues.]
Freedom.
The rest of the world.
That part came true. But it wasn't what we expected.
[Isn't that just the question? Eren almost wants to laugh. The closest thing he found was an ocean of blood, but the death that followed brought no rest. Here he is, trapped once again in a Hell he's beginning to think he'll never escape.
[He will escape, though. He'll ensure that he does. He'll rip this reality apart at the seams if he has to.
[Regardless...he's never known how to answer that question.]
It's easy to recognize when you've been robbed of it. Suppose that's all I've ever known.
[ he thought love would be it. love should be it. even now, he holds onto that. if he's loved, if someone wants him, then that's enough for the world. he'll give up the rest for that. the world is in someone's arms.
he was never much of a freedom fighter. just a desperate one. easy to use, easier to abuse. ]
[It's where he and Dolph differ. Eren has lived a life surrounded by love. Even now, after all he's done, he remains loved. He did what he did for love - that's one of the many reasons he gives. But he also betrayed everyone that loved him. He manipulated them, lied to them, abused their loyalty, risked their lives...
[Eren Jaeger is a slave to freedom. No matter how impossible it is to reach, he'll continue to choose it every time. He loves the people that he loves - desperately, violently, catastrophically - but it's never been enough.
[He'll do what he feels he must do, always. It doesn't matter who gets hurt.]
I suppose that's your answer, then.
[Eren's never gotten the impression that Dolph was one particularly concerned with fighting for freedom. It's something that has diminished Eren's respect for him - the same way he feels about everyone who's content to stay here, no matter how much he cares about them.
[He won't bother arguing about it. He made the decision a while ago not to bother anymore. Let those that enjoy this place continue to do so while they can. Their freedom will come either way.]
Whichever way you look at it...
The world took our freedom away from us. There were never any plans to hand it back.
[ he won't call the somnius satisfying. or a place to build a world. but dolph has to build something. so he does. one step at a time. he's doing it for himself. ]
[It isn't. Dolph is caged just like the rest of them. Eren can't think any other way - he's conceding to the whims of their captor because he's provided him comforts he wouldn't otherwise have. It's a tale as old as time in a place like this.
[It makes his blood boil.
[Aside from that, Eren's truly made worlds all on his own. Even then, he was still chained.
[Dolph wouldn't understand. Eren doesn't expect him to. He's quiet a little too long.]
[ dolph makes a face as he considers his words. he wouldn't call it that. he may not be the best at telling it part. he knows that. but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a unique experience in regards to it. compared to most people, even here, no one lacked as much as dolph. he had been stripped-mined of the basics as a child up to adulthood. ]
No. I know enough not to call it that.
I'm just calling it a part of my world for now. It can be taken away, like anyone else in this place can be. And when it does, I'll act. But I won't burn it down just so no one can have it.
[Eren looks back out over the darkening sea. He sees nothing. There is no hope on the other side of this ocean. The key to freedom lies upon these shores.
[Wouldn't it be beautiful if everyone really could have their cake and eat it too? Even given everything, he can't blame them - Jean, Dolph, Levi. There are a lot of people that would choose this place over the only alternatives.]
You should enjoy your happiness here while you have it. [It's said softly - genuine. Eren rests his chin back on his knees.]
When it comes to memories...I don't truly believe they can be lost. It would be a bit hard to explain why...
[ dolph never knows how long he'll have his memories. he doesn't know how long his hardware will last him. all it would take is one clever person hacking into his system and he'd be lost. it's how he died to begin with. ]
[ he absorbs that thoughtfully, stretching out his metal arm. his life was defined by this. because of his genetics, he was the ideal supersoldier. and they took the rest, making him no one else's ideal. forever lacking.
he sighs, letting it fall. glances at eren. circles in the sand. they may not longer fully intersect but the care remains. ]
Yeah. [He'll keep trying, of course. He'll keep trying until he succeeds, chasing rest, and then he'll probably wake up here again once it's all done...]
[Eren's quiet. Some wave of emotion rushes up along with the tide - guilt, resentment, despair. What would Dolph be wishing him luck toward? Nothing that nurtures his own interests. Eren sinks back down into his knees, arms tight around them. He merely shakes his head.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ dolph takes it politely, opening it up. it reminds him a little of the snacks from home. he forgets that maruki is one of the few people like dolph who hail from a more metropolitan world. he hands it first to eren to take some first. ]
Helps to be in a similar age bracket.
no subject
I don't notice any difference due to that. [His voice sounds almost dismissive - can't help it.]
He's ["a close friend" - that doesn't quite sum it up.] my best friend.
no subject
Helps me, is what I meant. I'm glad you two are close.
[ best friend, huh? dolph's not sure he has one of those anymore. vash, perhaps, but that just might be wishful thinking of his part. he never did any friend any favors. never saved them. never helped. it's not a title he has the privilege to use anymore. ]
no subject
Me too.
[A sideways glance up at Dolph.]
You should sit. You look like you're about to walk away.
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[ he hesitates for a moment before taking a seat besides eren. the waves lap at his feel and dolph can't help but shiver at the sensation. ]
This place was . . . the first time I've been to a real beach. I only ever saw them on pictures or tv shows. Alex and I — We were going to find a beach to live in peace.
[ and he just stops there. he doesn't need to say more. it was a child's dream. it was his dream. alex believed in it. alex broke because of it. no happy endings. when dolph first found the one in somnius, he cried to himself. and then only came back sparingly.]
no subject
There's someone that I wanted that with too. Growing up, the sea was only a myth. Illegal to talk about, even.
[Knowledge, barred from every Eldian on Paradis. Eren only knows bitterness. By the time they reached the sea, he'd forgotten how to dream. It wasn't the beacon of freedom that he'd expected it to be; another cage, another wall.]
We did find it eventually.
[He finishes the thought there. If he has anything else to say about it, he doesn't share.]
no subject
[ just like him being on the beach in the dream. fragility sours so quickly in the face of adversity. maybe dolph should have held onto it better. pried it free from alex. but without alex, would he have even known how to dream?
where he begins and where alex ends is a question he never found an answer to. ]
no subject
No. It was never what we thought it was. Finding it earlier would have changed nothing.
no subject
What did you think it was?
no subject
Freedom.
The rest of the world.
That part came true. But it wasn't what we expected.
Freedom was never waiting for us.
no subject
What is freedom to you then?
cw: genocide, gore, blood, suicidal ideation
[He will escape, though. He'll ensure that he does. He'll rip this reality apart at the seams if he has to.
[Regardless...he's never known how to answer that question.]
It's easy to recognize when you've been robbed of it. Suppose that's all I've ever known.
no subject
Guess I've never been good at figuring it out.
[ he thought love would be it. love should be it. even now, he holds onto that. if he's loved, if someone wants him, then that's enough for the world. he'll give up the rest for that. the world is in someone's arms.
he was never much of a freedom fighter. just a desperate one. easy to use, easier to abuse. ]
no subject
[Eren Jaeger is a slave to freedom. No matter how impossible it is to reach, he'll continue to choose it every time. He loves the people that he loves - desperately, violently, catastrophically - but it's never been enough.
[He'll do what he feels he must do, always. It doesn't matter who gets hurt.]
I suppose that's your answer, then.
[Eren's never gotten the impression that Dolph was one particularly concerned with fighting for freedom. It's something that has diminished Eren's respect for him - the same way he feels about everyone who's content to stay here, no matter how much he cares about them.
[He won't bother arguing about it. He made the decision a while ago not to bother anymore. Let those that enjoy this place continue to do so while they can. Their freedom will come either way.]
Whichever way you look at it...
The world took our freedom away from us. There were never any plans to hand it back.
no subject
I never expected it to.
The world's what I make of it now.
[ he won't call the somnius satisfying. or a place to build a world. but dolph has to build something. so he does. one step at a time. he's doing it for himself. ]
no subject
[It makes his blood boil.
[Aside from that, Eren's truly made worlds all on his own. Even then, he was still chained.
[Dolph wouldn't understand. Eren doesn't expect him to. He's quiet a little too long.]
Wouldn't that be freedom to you, then?
no subject
No. I know enough not to call it that.
I'm just calling it a part of my world for now. It can be taken away, like anyone else in this place can be. And when it does, I'll act. But I won't burn it down just so no one can have it.
no subject
[Wouldn't it be beautiful if everyone really could have their cake and eat it too? Even given everything, he can't blame them - Jean, Dolph, Levi. There are a lot of people that would choose this place over the only alternatives.]
You should enjoy your happiness here while you have it. [It's said softly - genuine. Eren rests his chin back on his knees.]
When it comes to memories...I don't truly believe they can be lost. It would be a bit hard to explain why...
They're worth making, though. For that reason.
no subject
[ dolph never knows how long he'll have his memories. he doesn't know how long his hardware will last him. all it would take is one clever person hacking into his system and he'd be lost. it's how he died to begin with. ]
At least I'll keep trying.
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You always do. Dolph.
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he sighs, letting it fall. glances at eren. circles in the sand. they may not longer fully intersect but the care remains. ]
And you?
no subject
I am.
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Should I wish you luck?
no subject
no subject
instead he extends his hand if eren wants to take it. he doesn't say anything else. ]
lmk if u need more
all good <3 wrap here?
just ooooone more
wrap on my HEART