[ dolph eats politely, doing his best to give compliments, though they're sparse and not very verbose. he lacks the vocabulary for them. once he's eaten his fill, he will take the remainders at jean's insistence.
I haven't tried that before. I'll have to see if they have any bottles here.
[ He catches the way his fingers tighten, but he doesn't ask him about it, just yet. It's only because he's paying such close attention to Dolph that he saw it at all. ]
Some fancy interior shit, you try a bunch of different wines. I think you're supposed to spit them out, too, so you don't get drunk.
[ He waves a hand. ]
My friends and I, in our cadet days - we'd drink whatever we could get our hands on. We had a lot of potatoes, so vodka was a pretty cheap and common drink. So was making moonshine.
[ Jean has mostly kept his hands to himself, for the most part. When Dolph says that, he reaches out, a hand landing on his shoulder and squeezing. ]
I won't lie and say some people do want something. But I'm not lying when I say I'm not looking for anything. The only thing I'm taking is some of your time, if you want to put it like that.
[ He offers a little smile. ]
You are fun. I like talking to you, I like learning about you and where you're from, even if it's shitty.
[ the touch startles him, eye wide. can that really be true? dolph searches his face but he's no good at telling. even with sarah and alex, he just didn't know.
no, that's not quite right. even now he wants to believe. he wants to care. he's not ready to give that up completely. ]
[ He gives Dolph a wider smile for agreeing to it. He can't help but wonder how bad it's gotten where Dolph is from, if he can't even accept something like this.
Not that their world was much better, after a point. ]
There's plenty of things I want to be selfish about - my partners, for one. My friends here, I want them to be safe. People like Erwin and Levi, I want them to ... be happy.
[ He doesn't say 'have a chance to stay together', he doesn't know if Dolph knows that Erwin dies in the future and he doesn't want to spread that around. ]
Getting to know new friends here, spending time with them - that's what I want to be selfish about too. It feels like I've been nothing but selfish.
Is it? It's the kind of thing I've never had a chance to be selfish about. I'd dedicated my heart to humanity - it doesn't leave a lot of time for other things.
Oh, I tried. But all the time I spent with my mother and friends was on a timer - I'd have to go back and fight again. Here...
[ He sighs. ]
Here, there's barely any danger. Most of it is what we place ourselves in the line of if we're acting foolishly. I know that there's monsters that show up, but even those monsters don't compare to the ones at home.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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he pauses. ]
That was lovely.
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Jean smiles again, the corners of his eyes crinkling. ]
I do my best. If you want to learn an easy food pairing, white wines work with heavy food like that - it cuts through the richness of the dairy.
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I do like wine. I used to have it when I could.
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[ No judgement! Jean literally drank moonshine at points, before he started appreciating wines. ]
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Chilean wine.
[ alex got him chilean wine. on one of their heists. ]
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[ He catches the way his fingers tighten, but he doesn't ask him about it, just yet. It's only because he's paying such close attention to Dolph that he saw it at all. ]
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Don't bother. It's probably better if I pick a new favourite.
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We can always see if they offer that fancy shit - what's it called... a wine flight. Or you can join us with vodka.
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And what do you mean by join "us"?
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[ He waves a hand. ]
My friends and I, in our cadet days - we'd drink whatever we could get our hands on. We had a lot of potatoes, so vodka was a pretty cheap and common drink. So was making moonshine.
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Seems like a waste.
[ his friends. but dolph's . . . what? he may be jean's friend but that hardly matters to anyone else. ]
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[ Jean means 'us' in general, but he doesn't mind inviting Dolph to any future parties. There aren't any likely to happen in the future, though. ]
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That's a lot of work to put into someone like me. I'm sure you have better things to do.
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I'm not putting work into you. It'd be something fun to do; drink, get a little tipsy, eat shitty bar food.
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[ his voice gets a little rough and dolph seems to notice, immediately trying to clear it, looking contrite and annoyed with himself. ]
And I'm not . . . fun. I'm barely . . . anything.
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I won't lie and say some people do want something. But I'm not lying when I say I'm not looking for anything. The only thing I'm taking is some of your time, if you want to put it like that.
[ He offers a little smile. ]
You are fun. I like talking to you, I like learning about you and where you're from, even if it's shitty.
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no, that's not quite right. even now he wants to believe. he wants to care. he's not ready to give that up completely. ]
Then . . . you can have it.
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[ He gives Dolph a wider smile for agreeing to it. He can't help but wonder how bad it's gotten where Dolph is from, if he can't even accept something like this.
Not that their world was much better, after a point. ]
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There's nothing else you want to be selfish about?
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[ He doesn't say 'have a chance to stay together', he doesn't know if Dolph knows that Erwin dies in the future and he doesn't want to spread that around. ]
Getting to know new friends here, spending time with them - that's what I want to be selfish about too. It feels like I've been nothing but selfish.
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I'm pretty sure that's just . . . normal.
me crying i'm sorry dolph he's just stupid and new to poly
im crying
The thing about humanity is . . . you have to let yourself be part of it.
Otherwise, there's no point. For you or for them.
holds jean in my hands this shingeki is so stupid
[ He sighs. ]
Here, there's barely any danger. Most of it is what we place ourselves in the line of if we're acting foolishly. I know that there's monsters that show up, but even those monsters don't compare to the ones at home.
Being able to let my guard down is different.
bless,,,
You deserve a chance to live.
We all do. We all . . . deserve that.
at least he achieved it in the other thread
he did, I'm proud!!