[I'm here. Those two words make him want to cry. He won't, doesn't, can't, but he wants to. He steps inside with Dolph, keep ahold of him by the shoulder, fingertips digging bluntly into the muscle. He keeps having to remind himself not to grit his teeth.]
They could come back. Dazai did once. [Oda doesn't sound convinced.]
[ yes. people have come back. but sometimes they don't come back. sometimes they come back, forgotten everything. in a different shape. dolph has been through it all by now.
is it better to give hope? in truth, it could go either way. oda's luck is better than dolph's. odds are in his favor. alas that dolph knew them too. that always dragged luck to the bottom of the river. livio never came back. levi and erwin are gone. astarion returned but not as himself and broken promises crunched under his feet.
but vash did. so he won't pretend hope doesn't exist. ]
Yeah. He did.
[ he feels the noose of it though. dazai didn't want to come back. dazai wanted it to end. oda knew that well enough. the noose is leashed around them, tightening.
instead dolph slides his human palm over oda's cheeks, settling there. no point pressing cold metal there. let warmth call to warmth. ]
[What was he expecting? Oda isn't the type to pull someone into his arms, so he doesn't, and maybe Dolph isn't either. There is no greater comfort than "just keep going", because there simply is no other option. Oda feels as miserable as he does grounded, all the nerves shaking out into something infinitely more numb.
[That's right. Stay calm. He puts his hand over Dolph's and nods.]
Yeah. I know. You're right...
Still, I...just needed to know you were still here.
[ dolph has been here so long. he's grieved so much already that he feels his life is made of grief. with no absolution, only an ugly mangled death at the end. the emptiness he saw.
but he understood. he can feel them too, still. he's no so numb that the tendrils of pain haven't clasped themselves around. grief stays because love lingers. ]
I'm here.
[ he reaches for the back of oda's neck and presses their foreheads together. ]
[Dolph knocks their foreheads together, and Oda thinks he must have cracked right open. His hands never shake, but they do now. He grips the hem of Dolph's shirt, tight.]
[Even asking just that is more vulnerability than Oda would have shown anyone a year ago. He always lived alone before coming here. As it stands, he can't imagine going back to that empty cottage, Dazai's room rid of every sign of him.
[He straightens where they stand, taking a deep breath and nodding his head. His hand grips the back of Dolph's neck, tight and secure.]
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They could come back. Dazai did once. [Oda doesn't sound convinced.]
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is it better to give hope? in truth, it could go either way. oda's luck is better than dolph's. odds are in his favor. alas that dolph knew them too. that always dragged luck to the bottom of the river. livio never came back. levi and erwin are gone. astarion returned but not as himself and broken promises crunched under his feet.
but vash did. so he won't pretend hope doesn't exist. ]
Yeah. He did.
[ he feels the noose of it though. dazai didn't want to come back. dazai wanted it to end. oda knew that well enough. the noose is leashed around them, tightening.
instead dolph slides his human palm over oda's cheeks, settling there. no point pressing cold metal there. let warmth call to warmth. ]
Don't give up. They need you too. Hold onto that.
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I haven't. But I...
[A deep breath in through his nose. If there's anyone in this world he's honest with -]
[Well. Dolph appears to be the only one left. Oda's expression cracks for just the briefest second. He shakes his head.]
I don't know what to do with myself. I've smoked through a whole pack just this morning.
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You have to keep going. Find your own way.
Honestly, I'm not sure what it would look like. I just know . . . you have to do it anyway.
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[That's right. Stay calm. He puts his hand over Dolph's and nods.]
Yeah. I know. You're right...
Still, I...just needed to know you were still here.
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but he understood. he can feel them too, still. he's no so numb that the tendrils of pain haven't clasped themselves around. grief stays because love lingers. ]
I'm here.
[ he reaches for the back of oda's neck and presses their foreheads together. ]
We're here.
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Let me stay a while, would ya?
[His eyes are squeezed shut.]
Just a little while.
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[ his hand slides down to the small of oda's back, reassuring. ]
Stay as long as you need to.
we can wrap or feel free to keep going if u have more? :3c
[He straightens where they stand, taking a deep breath and nodding his head. His hand grips the back of Dolph's neck, tight and secure.]
Thank you, Dolph.
wrapped!
I'm here for you.
[ and he better check on the others. he suspects that they're all reacting . . . poorly.
he might be the only adult left. ]