[ and here they are. the bereaved. what they mourn is different. the end was different. but the grief. grief never truly changes. maybe that is the thing that connects them all, even here, in this place. the one abiding emotion. ]
I'm here.
[ he reaches to cup oda's face with his free hand. ]
[The tender hand on his face makes Oda startle, his usually stoic expression torn open raw. If he wasn't frozen, maybe he'd move away, but that doesn't happen. A sudden wave sends him leaning into the touch instead, and his other hand comes up to grip over Dolph's, just the way he had over his own knee.
[He looks his friend in the eye.
[And he chokes on every name - ]
Kosuke. Shinji.
[ - seconds passing every time he has to spit another one out - ]
Katsumi. Yu.
[ - teeth bite down on bloody petals, Oda's own tongue - ]
Sakura...
[ - he chokes on every single one but especially hers...
[He says it anyway. He says them all anyway. He says more.]
There was a bloody conflict in Yokohama. They lost their parents. I found Sakura first--
I couldn't leave them.
I gave them somewhere to stay. I tried to take care of them as I could. I...
[He loved them. But that's never been a word he's known.]
I wish...you could know them too.
[There's a wet sound. Odasaku pulls petals out from between his teeth.]
[ oh. he hadn't even realized. they were kids. they were his kids. dolph inhales sharply, overcome. oda as a parent. it makes a lot of sense, even if he could never picture it before.
no wonder it was so hard. pey'j. jade.
quietly, but with enough heart to bear it. ]
Kosuke. Shinji. Katsumi. Yu. Sakura.
[ he clasps oda's hand with a tremble of his own. this is not a burden but it is still heavy. but dolph can do it. he'll do it for them. he'll do it for oda. ]
I'll remember. I'll keep them safe.
[ he brings oda's hand down to his chest. where his heart lies. ]
[It's too much. All of it. Kosuke. Shinji. Katsumi. Yu. Sakura. Oda Sakunosuke. Dolph Laserhawk. Yokohama. Visium. Oda Sakunosuke. Lumindeas. Dazai. Maruki. Ango Sakaguchi. Gide. Uncle. Oda Sakunosuke. Oda Sakunosuke. Oda Sakunosuke is a fault line, and already having struck once doesn't mean it won't happen again and again and again and again and his hand is on Dolph's heart, his hand is on Dolph's heart, his hand is on Dolph's heart and it's beating, beating, beating...
[He
has to
stop screaming
and try
to
breathe.
[Breathe.
[Suck back blood, swallow petals, curl his fingers like he's trying to grasp every heartbeat.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I'm here.
[ he reaches to cup oda's face with his free hand. ]
I'm listening. I've got you.
cw: multiple child death, grief
[He looks his friend in the eye.
[And he chokes on every name - ]
Kosuke. Shinji.
[ - seconds passing every time he has to spit another one out - ]
Katsumi. Yu.
[ - teeth bite down on bloody petals, Oda's own tongue - ]
Sakura...
[ - he chokes on every single one but especially hers...
[He says it anyway. He says them all anyway. He says more.]
There was a bloody conflict in Yokohama. They lost their parents. I found Sakura first--
I couldn't leave them.
I gave them somewhere to stay. I tried to take care of them as I could. I...
[He loved them. But that's never been a word he's known.]
I wish...you could know them too.
[There's a wet sound. Odasaku pulls petals out from between his teeth.]
You'd get a real kick out of them, Dolph.
no subject
no wonder it was so hard. pey'j. jade.
quietly, but with enough heart to bear it. ]
Kosuke. Shinji. Katsumi. Yu. Sakura.
[ he clasps oda's hand with a tremble of his own. this is not a burden but it is still heavy. but dolph can do it. he'll do it for them. he'll do it for oda. ]
I'll remember. I'll keep them safe.
[ he brings oda's hand down to his chest. where his heart lies. ]
They'll be here.
no subject
[He
stop screaming
and try
breathe.
[Breathe.
[Suck back blood, swallow petals, curl his fingers like he's trying to grasp every heartbeat.
[Breathe. Breathe...
[And he does.
[And he never was screaming, anyway.]
I won't stop there.
[Make it your duty.]
I'll write it down. I'll...carry them.
You'll read it. Won't you?
no subject
[ his voice is thick with relief. oda is going to make it. he'll see it through. battered, grieving, heartbroken. but still here. breathing.
dolph manages a smile. ]
I'll be first in line.