A loss of autonomy is an unfortunate thing, but I've stated that often.
To some, names, families and experiences can also be anchors that cause you to drown. A detriment, not to the extent of a life sold and taken away, but it's certainly its own set of problems. So I've heard.
Yeah. Not saying it's perfect. Plenty of shitty families and people out there. I know there are things I'm not missing out.
Still.
The only thing I've really accounted for is taking things one step at a time. What I know today may change tomorrow. So I guess it's some level of flexibility. Which is not something I'm really good at. The more intrinsic stuff is still hard to nail down.
Flexibility may be the most difficult quality of all to grasp for someone from your situation.
A life spent on a schedule, told what to do, what to say, how to act, feel, dress, smile, speak and exist, even without a camera on you - a manufactured personality with goals told to you.
That's a good skill to work on. I certainly wish you the best - it's a viable start.
However - do you want that name? It's yours, of course, but no one could blame you if you wanted to shed it, given its association with that part of your life.
Yes. It's a requirement for it. An unexpected one, but necessary nonetheless.
[Shido deemed it and so, it happened.
Akechi agreed to it - quick access to the praise and adoration he craved his whole life. An easy way to fulfill Shido's sordid wishes and it puts him one step closer to killing that man. Day by shitty day. Month by shitty month.
Killed after a power vacuum occurs, once all of Shido's loose ends get tied up and Akechi the most frayed among them. A personal assassin - a teenager that knows too much.
It won't matter - he'll die as a missing Detective Prince. No one will ever remember Akechi Goro.]
Who knows what the future holds, though I am thinking of a life beyond this world. My goal is close. When I return to my reality, it's within reach.
Should that happen, perhaps I'll revisit my status. While the benefits are worthwhile, it tends to get tiring.
Perhaps my 15 seconds of fame will naturally draw to a close on its own and those chains will release me unprompted.
[ there it is again. it's the specific cadence that he uses that dolph picks up on. the way it doesn't quite offer anything tangible, just castles in the sky. not quite the same as rayman's emptyheaded statements — because he just didn't know any better.
but that feels worse, he thinks. like watching someone dig a grave. ]
It'd be nice if that were true.
[ it's not obviously, but the softness of a lie doesn't always sting.
he's not sure what to say or do here. he's not a confidante. he can't barrel in. he doesn't have a solution. dolph is a man made of failed solutions. the end speaks for his life. he took sarah out, blew her up. he said he wouldn't die until he killed her and he fulfilled that.
but is that what life is? the brief satisfaction of victory before death? ]
I think the situation you're in is poisonous. There's no good end. I think you know that too.
I guess if you ever want to vent it out, I'm here. I won't tell anyone.
Whatever happened to you, I don't think you deserved it. I hope whatever you chose makes whatever asshole you want to pay back suffer.
Or I'm talking out of my ass. Just want to lay it out there.
im so sorry for his self inflicted misery cw: murder, suicidal imagery??? violent thoughts
A poison swallowed with intent - willing and ready to consume because he's serving the same vile liquid to a man with a vice grip on the noose Akechi wrapped around his own throat. One that tightens with every kill, every interview, every manipulation of the masses to propel Shido to power, so Akechi can rip him down into the rot. Uplift and destroy. A plummet the man will never recover from - Akechi's heel grinding him into muck and-
Dolph says he's there to vent. The first person he's ever met to understand the meaning of chaining yourself and freedom lost. The man has no rose tinted glasses. Maybe that's what Akechi wanted - a mutual dislike of that sordid world few see, even less admit to, and-
Shido will suffer. Shido will die. Akechi isn't a victim and his own debts will be paid in blood. There's no mercy for either. A throat under his heel, thick red foam bubbling at a megalomaniac's lips.
Dolph understands and he doesn't. Offers consideration and to listen for an unknown price. Lived his own life of abject tragedy, exploited by those around him.
He hates him - for asking, for answering, for understanding.
The response takes a few minutes. Longer. Less. Akechi's sense of time skewed with his eyes burning into the illuminated screen.]
Noted. I appreciate your offer and will keep it in mind.
However, my situation isn't dire in the slightest. Nothing cruel behind the scenes.
It's a simple exchange - debts and payments. I'm sure you understand the concept, being in that world for so long.
I'll come by your club again soon. I enjoyed the drinks and the lofi music you played some time ago.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Sure. What's up?
no subject
But I have to admit I'm curious.
Have you given anymore thought to your own question? 'Who do you want to be?'
no subject
Yeah. I think about it a lot, actually. A lot of people have building blocks early on. Names, families, experiences. Things that do the shaping.
Mine was messier than most. I never got to decide anything.
no subject
To some, names, families and experiences can also be anchors that cause you to drown. A detriment, not to the extent of a life sold and taken away, but it's certainly its own set of problems. So I've heard.
What have you decided on, if anything?
no subject
Still.
The only thing I've really accounted for is taking things one step at a time. What I know today may change tomorrow. So I guess it's some level of flexibility. Which is not something I'm really good at. The more intrinsic stuff is still hard to nail down.
no subject
A life spent on a schedule, told what to do, what to say, how to act, feel, dress, smile, speak and exist, even without a camera on you - a manufactured personality with goals told to you.
That's a good skill to work on. I certainly wish you the best - it's a viable start.
no subject
But Laserhawk was marketable so they gave it back to me later on.
I have a question too, if you don't mind.
no subject
However - do you want that name? It's yours, of course, but no one could blame you if you wanted to shed it, given its association with that part of your life.
no subject
What are you searching for? I get the feeling you're looking for something.
no subject
If I may ask for clarification - do you mean 'looking for something' in reference to my conversation with you now?
no subject
You just strike me as someone who is searching.
no subject
However, I'm fortunate to know what I want. It's a path I must tread to achieve what I need to, instead of a search for something I can't grasp.
no subject
no subject
[Shido deemed it and so, it happened.
Akechi agreed to it - quick access to the praise and adoration he craved his whole life. An easy way to fulfill Shido's sordid wishes and it puts him one step closer to killing that man. Day by shitty day. Month by shitty month.
He hates it.]
no subject
When you get it, will you leave it behind?
cw: mmmmmurder? death? smg
dead.
Killed after a power vacuum occurs, once all of Shido's loose ends get tied up and Akechi the most frayed among them. A personal assassin - a teenager that knows too much.It won't matter - he'll die as a missing Detective Prince. No one will ever remember Akechi Goro.]
Who knows what the future holds, though I am thinking of a life beyond this world. My goal is close. When I return to my reality, it's within reach.
Should that happen, perhaps I'll revisit my status. While the benefits are worthwhile, it tends to get tiring.
Perhaps my 15 seconds of fame will naturally draw to a close on its own and those chains will release me unprompted.
cw: mentions of death
but that feels worse, he thinks. like watching someone dig a grave. ]
It'd be nice if that were true.
[ it's not obviously, but the softness of a lie doesn't always sting.
he's not sure what to say or do here. he's not a confidante. he can't barrel in. he doesn't have a solution. dolph is a man made of failed solutions. the end speaks for his life. he took sarah out, blew her up. he said he wouldn't die until he killed her and he fulfilled that.
but is that what life is? the brief satisfaction of victory before death? ]
I think the situation you're in is poisonous. There's no good end. I think you know that too.
I guess if you ever want to vent it out, I'm here. I won't tell anyone.
Whatever happened to you, I don't think you deserved it. I hope whatever you chose makes whatever asshole you want to pay back suffer.
Or I'm talking out of my ass. Just want to lay it out there.
im so sorry for his self inflicted misery cw: murder, suicidal imagery??? violent thoughts
A poison swallowed with intent - willing and ready to consume because he's serving the same vile liquid to a man with a vice grip on the noose Akechi wrapped around his own throat. One that tightens with every kill, every interview, every manipulation of the masses to propel Shido to power, so Akechi can rip him down into the rot. Uplift and destroy. A plummet the man will never recover from - Akechi's heel grinding him into muck and-
Dolph says he's there to vent. The first person he's ever met to understand the meaning of chaining yourself and freedom lost. The man has no rose tinted glasses. Maybe that's what Akechi wanted - a mutual dislike of that sordid world few see, even less admit to, and-
Shido will suffer. Shido will die. Akechi isn't a victim and his own debts will be paid in blood. There's no mercy for either. A throat under his heel, thick red foam bubbling at a megalomaniac's lips.
Dolph understands and he doesn't. Offers consideration and to listen for an unknown price. Lived his own life of abject tragedy, exploited by those around him.
He hates him - for asking, for answering, for understanding.
The response takes a few minutes. Longer. Less. Akechi's sense of time skewed with his eyes burning into the illuminated screen.]
Noted. I appreciate your offer and will keep it in mind.
However, my situation isn't dire in the slightest. Nothing cruel behind the scenes.
It's a simple exchange - debts and payments. I'm sure you understand the concept, being in that world for so long.
I'll come by your club again soon. I enjoyed the drinks and the lofi music you played some time ago.
oh buddy
Like I said. I was just putting it out there. For whatever it's worth
[ it matters that it was said. and maybe it'll take root someday. ]
You're welcome to drop by anytime.
YEAH.............
no subject
but he sighs and caves a little. ]
Sure.