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[laserhawk]

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[1stclasspuppy]

[He's not giving up but he also knows how Alex is a sore spot.]

Do you want anything from me? Do you need a hug after that? Or more of the kiss tax??

[He leans closer, eyes showing how eager he is to make Dolph feel better.]

Do you want me there next time you talk to him? Maybe I can help?

[laserhawk]

I think . . . you need to know the truth. The whole truth. As much as I can remember.

Just in case.

[1stclasspuppy]

I'm ready to listen whenever you are ready to tell me.

[He eats his bacon and then takes Dolph's hand in his own.]

We're boyfriends and that means I'm your partner for as long as you'll have me. So tell me whatever you need to. I'll always listen.

[laserhawk]

Right. So.

[ holding hands for this feels odd. dolph stabs his pancake, not quite making eye contact. ]

We didn't break up traditionally. He shot me. And sold me out. That person put a bomb in my head to make me do their dirty work.

[1stclasspuppy]

...and he was your first love right?

[Zack watches the pancake be stabbed and just holds his hand a bit tighter.]

I'm not judging, I cared about someone a lot who did something similar to me...I looked up to him so I get it. I think if he was here I might even forgive him if he asked for it, as long as he explained why this all happened.

You're worried he might do something to hurt you again, right?

[laserhawk]

The only love I ever knew.

[ dolph grimaces at that. ]

I'm worried I'll lose my head. He lied to me. Manipulated me. Used me.

[1stclasspuppy]

But not the only love you'll ever have...

[His own words are a bit softer, hopeful a bit as he leans in and kisses Dolph's cheek.]

Then don't trust him as easily. You can still give him room to be in your life but not let him in all at once if you need time. If he doesn't like that then you have your answer and he hasn't changed. I can even come with you if you need support.

[laserhawk]

[ the gesture seems to settle him a bit. zack's not wrong. it's not the end. he nods slowly. ]

You must think I'm rather pathetic. Even now, I'm — [ just a fucking mess. ]

[1stclasspuppy]

I'd never think that Dolph! [His voice does raise at that but not in anger at Dolph more to prove his point.] You take those thoughts back right now Mister! I care so much about you! This is your trauma and I'm sure if the man who gave me mine was here I'd be reacting the same way. You aren't and will never be pathetic to me.

[laserhawk]

[ that is a rather strong reaction and it takes him aback for a moment, at a loss. ]

. . . Thanks.

[ he's even a bit flustered. ]

[1stclasspuppy]

[That flustered face is too cute and Zack can't help but just grab his face and kiss him, hoping to kiss all the worries away. Maybe even show some of his deeper feelings as well in the kiss. When he does pull away he can't help and stop the words that leave his lips.]

I want to be there for you Dolph, whenever you're in pain. I love you.

[laserhawk]

[ and then everything stops to a grinding halt. ]

— What?

[1stclasspuppy]

[It takes Zack a minute before he gets why Dolph isn't saying much and he quickly pulls back and puts his hands up in defense.]

I-I...I mean...Dolph wait...that was...I shouldn't have....

cw: panic attack

[laserhawk]

[ dolph can barely hear him. it's all white noise at the moment. he can't have heard that right. it's too soon. too much. his breathing comes out in sharp staccato puffs. ]

Move.

[ he needs to get out. he needs to — he needs to get out. ]

Re: cw: panic attack

[1stclasspuppy]

[Zack can see the fear in Dolph's eye and it hurts his chest that he's the cause of this. This isn't what he wanted. His big mouth got him in trouble again. He knows he should give Dolph his space but his body won't move.]

Dolph please...I'm sorry I...I didn't mean to say that yet....not now when you're already so hurt....

[Zack wants to hug him and keep him close but he doesn't touch him for fear of making the situation worse.]

P-Please...please don't go...

[His own blue eyes start to water.]

please don't leave me

cw: panic attack

[laserhawk]

[ he can't hear zack. all he can hear is alex. alex, telling dolph how much he loved him. alex shooting him. alex's blood on his lips, his hands on dolph, I need you. I love you. distantly, he can feel himself shake. he can't. he can't do that all over again.

his voice is ragged. ]

Move. Please.

Re: cw: panic attack

[1stclasspuppy]

[He can't help the tears falling as he sees Dolph shake. He reaches out for him but at so ragged a voice he doesn't touch him and brings his hand back in and just nods.]

I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...

[His body finally responds and he does move out of the booth.]

cw: panic attack

[laserhawk]

[ dolph doesn't waste any time, hurtling out of the booth. he doesn't want to hurt zack, he's sure of that much. he wants to be sure of that much. he wants — he can't think straight, he can't think at all, there's nothing here but the overwhelming panic and fear that has sunken its teeth into him.

he just keeps running. somewhere. anywhere. far away until his legs buckle and dolph just. stops. closes his eye.

if he wasn't before, he truly was pathetic now. ]

Re: cw: panic attack

[1stclasspuppy]

[Zack doesn't go after him right away. Instead he wipes his face and quickly pays for their unfinished food. He does try to find Dolph after, hoping the cold air and maybe being alone for a bit would calm him down but he has no idea where he ran to. He spends honestly a few hours running through the up and down before he finally gives up his search. Zack ends up going to his home but not before sending a text message for Dolph to read when he's feeling better.]

I'm sorry I scared you. I didn't mean to say it then when you were being so open to me. It was wrong. I won't take back the words but I know the timing was bad. I'm sorry and I hope you're safe and feel better soon. I never wanted to ever upset you like that.

I'll be at my place if you need me.

[laserhawk]

[ he wants to respond. it's not zack's fault. it's not. but his head is spinning and there's nothing but a cold sense of terror and panic.

finally dolph does manage one: ]

later.