[ If Nao hadn't been holding her Oracle to her ear with her right hand, she would've touched the scar on her upper-left arm. She would've wrapped her fingers around it and held it tight enough to really feel it because it's real, physical proof of what Laserhawk is saying.
She trusts Basilio, who severed her arm and grappled with guilt and his fear of losing control of himself, the possibility he might hurt if not kill someone and like it. She trusts Laserhawk, who saw their situation for what it was at that time, saved her life, and spared Basilio's in turn. Laserhawk's quick thinking and the efforts of the healers at the conclave are the reason she has her life and left arm right now and they had been complete strangers at the time.
Later, at the time she'd shared with Basilio her fear of losing control of herself and why, he'd said something that resonates with what Laserhawk is saying.
"You got friends to rely on, now. If things start gettin' scary, we'll all help you out," Bas had said, and hugged her.
It was the first time she'd felt safe in nine years and it was in the arms of a friend, her first friend, who, knowing about the Hunger and some things about the Shizuoka clan, looked her in the face and resolved to stick with her. Had it been anyone else, she might have had ground to stand on if she'd tried to argue it was solely because of some sense of obligation he felt since she'd stuck with him after he'd lost control of himself and hurt her, but it's Bas, so that argument can't begin to stand. He's honest and earnest, the type to raise a brow and say, "It's a glass of water," if she was to ask him about a glass half-empty, half-full of water.
Before that, she'd been terrified.
To not have to face things on her own when something happens, to trust the people she knows with her secrets and life... change the nature of her survival and adapt it to this place, it seems so obvious when Laserhawk says it. She's been adapting to the world and her situation, but the nature of her survival hadn't changed in her mind. It was only at the beginning of January after she wished herself proper and regained her abilities, that critically missing piece of self that she could investigate whether or not any Shizuoka were present in the world. There weren't and some things changed with that knowledge, but not the nature of her survival. No, not that, or had she in some way?
She'd told Bas about the Hunger and some other things and has been planning on sharing knowledge of the Hunger Fidelio so he's aware in case something happens. With Strohl, during the Flower Petal Disease outbreak, it had just sort of... happened and Will, she thinks it's probably safe to tell him some things, too.
She isn't a Shizuoka, that's her claim; and yet, she suffers the Hunger. It's an indisputable proof of Shizuoka heritage she can't hide behind contacts or ever be rid of. Coffee only suppresses her appetite for blood and flesh. She stays hungry. On bad days, she holes up in her room to try to sleep through the agony. Things apparently still get weird and every time she tells someone about these things, it feels like her claim shudders and weakens.
She has to look at it for her sake and the sake of her friends, but there are things she doesn't think anyone would understand. It's complicated, difficult, painful to consider, and Laserhawk hasn't said a single thing she could draw on to criticize the ideas he's put forward.
Nao isn't sure what to think. "Not too fast maybe" is a solid thought because this is a lot to process and consider even for her with her eight threads spinning simultaneously. She wonders what Hoshina would think, being the son of an ancient clan of monster hunters. Someone from a clan like that could go any way.
Finally, she exhales, releasing a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. ]
I've gotta do something. Going on like this indefinitely isn't an option. I'll think about it.
1/2 | cw: allusion to cannibalism
She trusts Basilio, who severed her arm and grappled with guilt and his fear of losing control of himself, the possibility he might hurt if not kill someone and like it. She trusts Laserhawk, who saw their situation for what it was at that time, saved her life, and spared Basilio's in turn. Laserhawk's quick thinking and the efforts of the healers at the conclave are the reason she has her life and left arm right now and they had been complete strangers at the time.
Later, at the time she'd shared with Basilio her fear of losing control of herself and why, he'd said something that resonates with what Laserhawk is saying.
"You got friends to rely on, now. If things start gettin' scary, we'll all help you out," Bas had said, and hugged her.
It was the first time she'd felt safe in nine years and it was in the arms of a friend, her first friend, who, knowing about the Hunger and some things about the Shizuoka clan, looked her in the face and resolved to stick with her. Had it been anyone else, she might have had ground to stand on if she'd tried to argue it was solely because of some sense of obligation he felt since she'd stuck with him after he'd lost control of himself and hurt her, but it's Bas, so that argument can't begin to stand. He's honest and earnest, the type to raise a brow and say, "It's a glass of water," if she was to ask him about a glass half-empty, half-full of water.
Before that, she'd been terrified.
To not have to face things on her own when something happens, to trust the people she knows with her secrets and life... change the nature of her survival and adapt it to this place, it seems so obvious when Laserhawk says it. She's been adapting to the world and her situation, but the nature of her survival hadn't changed in her mind. It was only at the beginning of January after she wished herself proper and regained her abilities, that critically missing piece of self that she could investigate whether or not any Shizuoka were present in the world. There weren't and some things changed with that knowledge, but not the nature of her survival. No, not that, or had she in some way?
She'd told Bas about the Hunger and some other things and has been planning on sharing knowledge of the Hunger Fidelio so he's aware in case something happens. With Strohl, during the Flower Petal Disease outbreak, it had just sort of... happened and Will, she thinks it's probably safe to tell him some things, too.
She isn't a Shizuoka, that's her claim; and yet, she suffers the Hunger. It's an indisputable proof of Shizuoka heritage she can't hide behind contacts or ever be rid of. Coffee only suppresses her appetite for blood and flesh. She stays hungry. On bad days, she holes up in her room to try to sleep through the agony. Things apparently still get weird and every time she tells someone about these things, it feels like her claim shudders and weakens.
She has to look at it for her sake and the sake of her friends, but there are things she doesn't think anyone would understand. It's complicated, difficult, painful to consider, and Laserhawk hasn't said a single thing she could draw on to criticize the ideas he's put forward.
Nao isn't sure what to think. "Not too fast maybe" is a solid thought because this is a lot to process and consider even for her with her eight threads spinning simultaneously. She wonders what Hoshina would think, being the son of an ancient clan of monster hunters. Someone from a clan like that could go any way.
Finally, she exhales, releasing a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. ]
I've gotta do something. Going on like this indefinitely isn't an option. I'll think about it.